Dynamite Mr. Cranky Movie Reviews

Moviesort iconCommentsBlurbCreated
'Til There Was You0

For a romantic comedy, this movie has all the charm of a burning school bus.

05/30/1997 - 02:46
A Thin Line Between Love and Hate0

This is the kind of film that makes you count the number of lights in the theater's ceiling (mine had eleven).

04/03/1996 - 02:49
A Very Brady Sequel1

You know there's going to be trouble when you show up to a sneak preview attended by only ten other people, and five of them are chained together.

08/23/1996 - 04:19
Against the Ropes32

Here's one of my rules for hating movies: If the story's catharsis involves people applauding the protagonist, that film sucks.

02/20/2004 - 05:22

Watching "Alexander" is like going on a first date, noticing in the first five minutes that your date hums to herself and suffers from bouts of involuntary drooling, then realizing that perhaps those tickets to the unabridged reading of War and Peace weren't such a hot idea.

11/24/2004 - 21:04
Alien: Director's Cut0

I have so much respect for director Ridley Scott that I'd kiss the ground he walks on or clean his shoes with my tongue if he'd just respond to one of my many letters or phone calls.

08/14/2003 - 19:38
Alien: Resurrection0

Putting Winona Ryder in an action thriller like "Alien" makesabout as much sense as letting Marlon Brando lead a Jazzercize video.

11/26/1997 - 19:45
Almost Heroes1

"Almost Heroes" is such an abomination that one actually wishes ChrisFarley had kicked off long before he got anywhere near this script.

05/29/1998 - 20:01
Alone in the Dark0

I don't honestly think that anybody with a brain could possibly be expecting much out of a film that casts Tara Reid as an archaeologist.

01/28/2005 - 20:03

This is the first film developed by CL Cinema Line Films Corporation. With any luck, it will be the last.

04/11/1997 - 20:57

Did I just say "James Franco vehicle"? God help us all.

01/27/2006 - 21:40
Bad Boys 20

Truly a masterpiece of the inexplicable.

07/18/2003 - 21:13
Bad Company0

I thought plots involving twins were the kind of thing left to bad soap operas and Jean-Claude Van Damme, but I guess I was wrong.

06/07/2002 - 21:15
Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever0

One would guess that evildoers everywhere would grow suspicious as report after report came in to Evil Headquarters about the drunk guy who suddenly started doing back flips, karate chops, and kicking everyone's rear end all over the place.

09/20/2002 - 21:21
Batman and Robin0

The entire movie looks like it was filmed for an easy transition to a Burger King cup.

06/20/1997 - 21:47

"Bats" unapologetically flaps its genitalia in the face of the audience as it blithely nails every cliché the horror genre has to offer.

10/22/1999 - 21:51
Battlefield Earth0

"Battlefield Earth" is one of the worst films ever made. It's that simple.

05/12/2000 - 21:53

I'm considering making it my life's goal to get Sally Field to shit on my face, because it's pretty damn obvious from "Beautiful" that it will feel like warm sunlight shining down upon me and smell like a bouquet of roses.

09/29/2000 - 07:34

It may be the meanest, lowest line ever uttered onscreen in Hollywood history, and that's saying something. Let the record show that the Ephrons wrote it, and Ferrell spoke it.

06/24/2005 - 15:44
Bicentennial Man0

Like an elephant with a cactus stuck in its rectum, I'm just a bit peeved that Chris Columbus is still allowed to make movies.

12/17/1999 - 15:50