Dynamite Mr. Cranky Movie Reviews

MovieCommentssort iconBlurbCreated
Diary of a Mad Black Woman 0

It got so bad I wanted to call 911 and report an explosion at the platitude factory.

02/25/2005 - 16:09
Donkey Punch8

I felt like I was caught in a closet and being forced to watch four of my old high school friends go at it, only they had never done it before. Awkward.

01/29/2009 - 22:58

Seriously, society is in real trouble if "Doogal" is approved entertainment. Oh wait, come to think of it, society is in real trouble.

02/24/2006 - 16:37
Double Team0

Compounding my disappointment was the fact that the finale of the film didn't consist of Rodman cornering the bad guys and stomping their testicles to jelly.

04/04/1997 - 16:50

This film is essentially the "Plan 9 From Outer Space" of car racing movies.

04/27/2001 - 19:38
Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd 1

What is it going to take for Hollywood to discover the meaning of the word "shame"?

06/13/2003 - 19:48
Dungeons and Dragons 1

This movie contains writing so bad that it forces normal people to curse God for allowing human communication to even exist.

12/08/2000 - 19:51

Believe it or not, watching "Ed" provided divine inspiration, for Lo, I thought God had reached down from the Heavens and tightened the Holy Vice Grips on my bewildered brain.

03/15/1996 - 02:17
Eight Crazy Nights 0

I think it's about time Sandler stopped trying to impersonate a talented person and go back to whatever he was doing before acting, like flipping burgers or detailing cars.

11/27/2002 - 02:32

In terms of tearing this movie apart, I think the most informative thing I can do for my readers is to supply a simple piece of information: On its opening weekend, "Elektra" was bettered at the box-office by "Racing Stripes." Can you imagine something like "Spiderman 2" being eclipsed by a talking zebra film?

01/14/2005 - 22:53

That this film won the Palm d'Or at Cannes is a real testament to a couple of things: First, that just about any piece of crap can win at Cannes.

10/03/2003 - 22:57
End of Days0

Why does the Devil always seem to have difficulty killing people when it's really necessary?

11/24/1999 - 23:41

This movie is so stupid and insulting that somebody ought to take director Michael Apted, producers Irwin Winkler and Rob Cowan, and screenwriter Nicholas Kazan, and toss them naked into a NOW meeting following a screening of this wretched piece of crap, then let the gathered women castrate each of them with the remnants of their audience reaction cards.

05/24/2002 - 23:51

Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy have better chemistry than Connery and Zeta-Jones.

04/30/1999 - 23:53

How come Durza can summon an army from the depths of hell but he can't hire better security?

12/15/2006 - 00:01
Escape to Witch Mountain 0

It's so important to find family and appreciate one's family and this movie teaches us that with some of the most incredible storytelling and special effects and Disney magic ever!

08/24/1996 - 19:28
Everything You Want0

About two minutes in and I wanted to lay my penis on a windowsill and slam the window shut on it.

04/17/2005 - 20:01
Exorcist: The Beginning 0

I don't know how much Levitra a man has got to take before there's so much blood in his penis that his brain can't function at all, but clearly these studio executives have swallowed enough.

08/20/2004 - 20:31
Extreme Ops0

That's what really bad movies sometimes do to you. You walk out of the theater and it's like the last 90 minutes of your life just vanished.

11/27/2002 - 20:36

This inexplicable film doesn't deserve to be reviewed.

08/30/2002 - 14:05