Dynamite Mr. Cranky Movie Reviews

MovieCommentssort iconBlurbCreated
Kiss of the Dragon0

The story is so full of clichés and logical mishaps that director Chris Nahon, Jet Li and screenwriter Luc Besson could have achieved a better result by scavenging failed literary endeavors from kindergarten trash bins.

07/06/2001 - 22:00
Knock Off0

I feel bad for Jean-Claude Van Damme's proctologist. If his acting is any indication, it must take a lot of time and several hydraulic tools to get that guy's ass cheeks to separate.

09/04/1998 - 22:16
Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector 0

Essentially, the movie is a fantasy for loser males.

03/24/2006 - 02:06
Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde 0

The first half hour feels like a commercial for a revolutionary new skin cream.

07/02/2003 - 15:09
Lethal Weapon 4 0

Had my proctologist given me my weekly examination with a jackhammer, it would have been less painful than this movie, which has finally dropped all pretense and turned Mel Gibson and Danny Glover into the Beavis and Butthead of law enforcement.

07/10/1998 - 15:26
Little Man0

There's high concept and then there's low concept. Using CGI to graft Marlon Wayans's face on a dwarf is definitely low concept. It's just sad to see somebody credited for a body.

07/14/2006 - 02:50
Loser0

For music, (director Amy) Heckerling appears to have pulled records from her collection that she was unable to auction off on eBay.

07/21/2000 - 20:50
Lost and Found 0

This is the type of movie that teachers show in Screenwriting 101 as an example of how to hit every possible cliché imaginable. Then they pass out the script as substitute toilet paper.

04/23/1999 - 20:56
Love Don't Cost a Thing 0

This film is so inconceivably bad it gave me shooting pains in my head that felt like somebody was trying to drive foot-long pins through my brain with a tuning fork.

12/12/2003 - 21:11
Man of the Year0

The screenplay for "Man of the Year" reads like it was abandoned in the middle of its eighth rewrite as some studio executive said, "Enough already -- Wrap this fucking thing up for the election season or we're killing the entire project."

10/13/2006 - 20:50
Masked and Anonymous 0

This film is so bad that it actually casts doubt on the significance of Dylan's music career.

08/08/2003 - 21:14
McHale's Navy 0

McHale's Navy clocks in at an obscenely long 109 minutes.

04/18/1997 - 21:42
Meet Wally Sparks 0

If you get an itch to see this movie, scratch it with a power sander.

01/31/1997 - 22:00
Mr. Magoo0

There's actually an apology at the end of the film that says something to the effect of "don't be mean to people with bad eyesight; they should be treated just like the rest of us." Does this include driving? Jesus Christ, what has political correctness come to?

12/25/1997 - 05:11
Mr. Wrong0

After I saw this film, I wanted to drive my car into a tree.

02/16/1996 - 05:16
North Country0

I think that naming the main character Josey is the greatest idea ever. It's a hard film and people need to be reminded to stay optimistic and Josey is obviously named after "Josie and the Pussycats" and that made me so happy because I'm such a big fan of the Archie comics and nobody was ever sexually harassed in the Archie comics.

10/21/2005 - 16:33
Nowhere0

Again (director Gregg) Araki chronicles what he would describe as "the postmodern condition of the '90s American teenager" and what the rest of us would call "the aimless pondering of a talentless sack of excrement."

05/09/1997 - 16:51
One Night Stand0

To say that Figgis's cinematic eye lingers a little bit is kind of like saying that Hitler had a minor problem with border incursions.

11/14/1997 - 20:48
Pinocchio0

What the hell is wrong with this guy, Roberto Benigni?

02/07/2003 - 20:26
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest 5

Director Gore Verbinski filmed two "Pirates" sequels simultaneously and it shows. Imagine trying to mix two cakes in the same bowl and you get some idea of what a mess this all is.

07/07/2006 - 20:29