Dynamite Mr. Cranky Movie Reviews

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Feeling Minnesota 0

The script is so bad that it hurts to actually have to refer to it as "writing."

09/13/1996 - 14:10
Fun with Dick and Jane 0

When a movie tries to make fun of a corporate system it is obviously all too happy to work within, comedy is nearly impossible.

12/21/2005 - 16:54
Garfield: The Movie 0

If we could erase the entire history of computer special effects -- even if it meant no "Star Wars" and no "Matrix" -- I would do it in a heartbeat if it also meant no "Garfield: The Movie."

06/11/2004 - 00:01
Gerry0

"Gerry" is to film what all-white, textured paintings are to art. Nothing happens in either one.

09/20/2002 - 01:30
Glitter0

This film does for musical pseudo biopics what "Showgirls" did for stripper films.

09/21/2001 - 20:36
Gone Fishin'0

Here's the first question that you'll ask yourself as you watch this film: How in the hell did it get made? In these situations the answer is usually "somebody is sleeping with somebody."

05/30/1997 - 21:27
Grandma's Boy 1

Let's face it, when you have to scrape the bottom of the SNL barrel to the point where you're using Kevin Nealon, things have gotten really bad. Among other things, it means that Norm MacDonald said no.

01/06/2006 - 22:00
Half Past Dead 0

Bingo!

11/15/2002 - 02:39
Halloween: Resurrection 0

The film turns into "The Blair Witch" meets "Big Brother" meets "Geraldo Opens Al Capone's Secret Vault."

07/12/2002 - 03:02
He Got Game0

It's time for Spike Lee to go back to NYU and relearn all the crap he's obviously forgotten.

05/01/1998 - 16:49
Heavy Metal 20000

I'm reluctant to admit this -- really reluctant -- but this movie was so bad that it made me . . .

07/10/2000 - 17:06
Here on Earth0

One minor problem with director Piznarski's love story is this: Kelley is one, colossal asshole and he never stops being an asshole. I hated his guts from beginning to end.

03/24/2000 - 17:20
High School Ghosthustlers 0

It's probably safe to say the dick monsters were modeled after the people who made this fine piece of cinema.

08/29/2001 - 19:56
High School High0

As we all know, Jon Lovitz is exactly the actor you want in your movie when it comes time to pander to the Oscars.

10/25/1996 - 19:57
Honey0

Here's a scary thought: This movie actually could have been titled "Glitter 2."

12/05/2003 - 20:30
House of D0

Duchovny better pray there's another X-Files movie because that's about the only chance he's ever going to get to recover from this fiasco.

09/23/2005 - 20:51
Inspector Gadget0

What exactly does a guy have to do to suggest to Disney that hiring him to direct is an exceedingly poor idea -- take a big, steaming shit on Michael Eisner's face?

07/23/1999 - 21:40
Jade0

Here's a movie with a family theme.

10/13/1995 - 16:30
John Q.0

If Nick Cassavettes' heart were in the right place, it would be in the body of a director who could put it to productive use.

02/15/2002 - 19:30
Kicked in the Head0

Nazis in golf shoes could have tap-danced on my testicles until the rise of the Fourth Reich if it would have saved me from this film.

09/26/1997 - 21:23