Four Bomb Mr. Cranky Movie Reviews
This is such a nothing movie I was actually amazed by it.
|05/10/2002 - 19:35|
|Up Close and Personal||0|
The premise of the film is the same as the premise of the trailer: A ridiculous excuse to get Michelle Pfeiffer and Robert Redford boinkin' like rabbits.
|03/01/1996 - 19:21|
Oh dear God, was it bad.
|08/15/2003 - 19:18|
If I ever meet director Jamie Blanks my first question will be, "Are your lips permanently attached to Kevin Williamson's ass or can you take a break and talk to me for a second?"
|09/25/1998 - 19:01|
Despite being a product of "Shrek" producer John H. Williams, "Valiant" feels like something that you'd pick up in the DVD bargain bin for $2.99.
|08/19/2005 - 04:37|
A story that reads like director Stephen Sommers's dog chewed up a library of Evil Cliffs Notes and barfed up a script.
|05/07/2004 - 04:35|
Scott Glenn doesn't look like he could climb up my leg, much less K-2.
|12/08/2000 - 04:24|
I could swallow a piece of paper and a pencil and launch a more original script out of my ass.
|01/15/1999 - 04:10|
|Waking the Dead||2|
It isn't that easy to make "The Sixth Sense" meets "Days of Our Lives." You really have to think hard to come up with that kind of crap.
|03/24/2000 - 03:57|
|Warriors of Virtue||0|
The Law brothers have picked that favorite of cinematic genres: the kung-fu-fighting kangaroo film.
|05/02/1997 - 23:50|
|Welcome to Mooseport||0|
Boy, does Maura Tierney get the shaft in this film. Her choices are a man 30 years her senior and another who doesn't bathe after cleaning septic tanks.
|02/20/2004 - 23:26|
|What Dreams May Come||0|
Five bucks says that Vincent Ward was one of those kids in school who farmer-blew into the donations jar during his trip to the art museum and as punishment was forced by his teacher to spend the entire day in the Cubist wing while the other kids got to check out the Impressionists. Now, he's going to show them.
|10/02/1998 - 23:21|
|What Planet Are You From?||0|
This would all be great fun if Shandling, and apparently director Mike ("The Graduate") Nichols, didn't hate women so much.
|03/03/2000 - 21:01|
|Whatever It Takes||0|
It takes the characters days to figure out what the audience knows instantly.
|03/31/2000 - 20:59|
|When a Stranger Calls||0|
In every horror film worth its salt in which a woman is threatened by some unseen male psychopath, it's important and meaningful that the woman go take a shower. As everyone knows, lather is comforting and wards off crazies.
|02/03/2006 - 20:51|
The "Peter Stark Producing Program"? Does that even qualify you to mess with the carrots in a supermarket?
|09/01/2000 - 20:45|
Posing as white chicks in the Hamptons, it's more certain than flies around Courtney Love that they'll be doing something "black" to win the favor of their new friends.
|06/23/2004 - 20:43|
Sure enough, the director turns out to be William Dear, the man responsible for such tragedies as "Timerider," "Harry and the Hendersons" and "Angels in the Outfield."
|07/02/1997 - 02:38|
This film is supposed to be a thriller, except that up until thelast ten minutes, it's about as complicated as a Farrah Fawcett lecture on dialectical materialism.
|03/20/1998 - 02:33|
|Without a Paddle||0|
How bad is this film? Well, it's the type of movie that uses "and Burt Reynolds" in its credit sequence as a selling point.
|08/20/2004 - 23:11|