Four Bomb Mr. Cranky Movie Reviews
According to this movie, the little black kids of America owe all their sports knowledge, acumen, physical skills and inspiration to the white man.
|09/14/2001 - 16:19|
|Harriet the Spy||0|
"Harriet the Spy" is a classic example of Hollywood giving inexperienced, talentless sacks of dung a few million dollars to go make a movie.
|07/10/1996 - 16:27|
There are two simple moments in this film that automatically, without anything else happening in the film, earn it two extra bombs.
|02/15/2002 - 16:41|
Someday, somebody out there in the great, wide world will come up with an original idea and it will be appropriately lauded for its originality. The ideas in "Haute Tension" don't meet that criteria.
|06/10/2005 - 16:48|
|Head of State||0|
Rock's directorial debut, "Head of State" posits that it would be funny if Rock ran for president. It's not.
|03/28/2003 - 16:51|
|Head Over Heels||0|
I'm not sure who cast this movie, but the only way they could have come up with two duller performances would have been to have the two leads play their characters using sock puppets.
|02/02/2001 - 16:53|
Hot weather is always an excellent excuse to have Alec Baldwin in any movie, if only to offer the audience the distraction of watching pools of sweat soak through his clothing -- he steps outside for five minutes and looks like he's been lactating.
|05/17/1996 - 17:02|
Pinhead looks and sounds like Prince Charles after a bad facial and is about as frightening.
|03/08/1996 - 17:13|
That this film won a screenwriting award at Cannes is an absolute joke.
|06/19/1999 - 17:16|
|Herbie: Fully Loaded||0|
The veneer of wholesomeness that covers a typical Disney movie almost always masks a seamy undercurrent roiling just beneath the surface.
|06/22/2005 - 17:18|
|Hide and Seek||0|
When the movie finally revealed the killer, my eyes just rolled back into my head like the dials on a slot machine. The only way I could have been more indignant was if the killer had been the family cat.
|01/28/2005 - 17:25|
Director Gillies MacKinnon's film is about discovery, yet I waited like a buzzing fly around a horribly constipated dog for MacKinnon to discover something, anything.
|04/26/1999 - 17:26|
At first, I thought the sword sequences were in slow-motion, but then I realized these guys just suck.
|09/01/2001 - 20:00|
As Woody Allen gets older, watching his movies is like watching a guy in a wheelchair roll down a steep hill toward a busy intersection.
|05/03/2002 - 20:16|
"Hollywood Homicide" is dead on arrival.
|06/13/2003 - 20:18|
Aside from being incomprehensibly stupid, this film is also blatantly racist. Here's why.
|10/09/1998 - 20:23|
|Home Alone 3||0|
If the side of the package says "eat shit," we'll eat shit.
|12/12/1997 - 20:25|
|Homeward Bound II: Lost in San Francisco||0|
What could be more excruciating then listening to Michael J. Fox whine like an adolescent who's eaten about five too many Milky Ways?
|03/08/1996 - 20:28|
It would seem that someone got a story idea about kids locking their divorcing parents in a basement, then the Prozac really kicked in,and the last eighty pages were left to the chimpanzees.
|08/14/1996 - 20:49|
|House of 1000 Corpses||0|
"House of 1000 Corpses" is written and directed by Rob Zombie, a man with all the creative power of testicle sweat.
|04/11/2003 - 20:48|