Four Bomb Mr. Cranky Movie Reviews
| Movie | Comments | Blurb | Created |
|---|---|---|---|
| Speed 2: Cruise Control | 0 | Left with no other recourse after reducing the Annie character to a flailing rag doll, director Jan ("Twister") de Bont tries to save himself with a crashing sequence that takes -- I swear to God -- at least forty-five minutes. | 06/13/1997 - 01:51 |
| Spice World | 3 | Three Words: | 01/23/1997 - 01:48 |
| Spirit | 1 | Remember that a horse penis is two feet long, so that might make some of YOU (note the emphasis on the word "you") feel inadequate. | 05/24/2002 - 01:44 |
| Spun | 0 | Thank Christ, I have now truly lived. | 02/07/2002 - 01:37 |
| Spy Kids 2: Island of Lost Dreams | 0 | After watching "Spy Kids 2: The Island of Lost Dreams" I had that same feeling I get after finding a breath mint on the floor of a public restroom. | 08/07/2002 - 01:31 |
| Star Wars: Episode I-The Phantom Menace | 2 | As far as I'm concerned, "the Force" now refers to this film's marketing campaign and little else. | 05/19/1999 - 21:51 |
| Stealing Harvard | 0 | Green's ability to drag a film into the toilet is stunning. Literally, the second he comes on screen, you can feel the life being sucked out of the theater. | 09/13/2002 - 20:25 |
| Steel | 0 | It's no secret that Shaquille O'Neal is to acting what Billy Bartyis to basketball. His thespian narcosis immobilizes the movie in a thick coat of dramatic tranquility. | 08/15/1997 - 20:23 |
| Stuck on You | 0 | The end of this movie wanders off into the weeds and gets so lost its poster should be on the side of a milk carton. | 12/12/2003 - 19:58 |
| Suburbia | 0 | If director Richard Linklater really wanted to commit professional suicide, he should have attempted to turn "Slackers" into a Broadway musical, not inflicted another two hours of ineptitude on the movie-going public. | 02/07/1996 - 19:52 |
| Sugar and Spice | 0 | If you're like me, "American Beauty" and "Bring it On" and "But I'm a Cheerleader" just haven't satisfied that need to see cheerleaders robbing banks, jumping out of airplanes and foiling international plots of evil. | 01/26/2001 - 22:29 |
| Sunset Park | 0 | "Oh dear, I've got this absolutely wonderful idea about a small white woman who teaches inner-city Negroes how to play that game -- oh, posh, what's it called -- basketball!" | 04/26/1996 - 22:22 |
| Super | 1 | This movie was designed for the truly sick out there in the audience, the ones who are totally cool with an uncomfortably pre-teen looking female protagonist sexually assaulting a short order cook and then having half her face blown off by the karmic revenge cycle that governs all gore movies. | 05/14/2011 - 17:22 |
| Supernova | 0 | The movie is directed by Thomas Lee. As far as I know, there's no such person as Thomas Lee and this is just a pseudonym for Walter Hill, who apparently walked off the set when the producers began interfering with his movie. | 01/14/2000 - 22:12 |
| Superstar | 0 | "Superstar" is Molly Shannon's turn to establish that watching an SNL skit for 90 minutes is only slightly less painful than watching Richard Simmons on crack, belting out Rodgers and Hammerstein tunes. | 10/08/1999 - 22:11 |
| Switchblade Sisters | 0 | Next to pornos, it's just the kind of movie one would expect a video clerk to be watching at two in the morning as he realizes what a loser he is. | 05/30/1995 - 21:41 |
| Swordfish | 0 | Would a firm, round cantaloupe lie to you? | 06/08/2001 - 21:40 |
| Teaching Mrs. Tingle | 0 | Incidentally, does anybody else think John Gray is an alien? | 08/20/1999 - 02:39 |
| Texas Rangers | 0 | Watching (Ashton) Kutcher act is like witnessing the God of Bad Acting spite humanity. | 11/30/2001 - 03:08 |
| That Darn Cat | 1 | I sat in the teeming day-care center that doubled as a theater for a full hour before I realized that D.C. stood not for "ditch the children," but for "darn cat." At that point, I was struck immobile with paralyzing horror at the realization of what my life had become. | 02/14/1997 - 03:05 |