Four Bomb Mr. Cranky Movie Reviews

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That Old Feeling1

This is why movie theaters should come equipped with barf bags and emergency exits.

04/04/1997 - 03:03
That Thing You Do0

Watching "That Thing You Do" is like eating stale food. You know the stuff was probably enjoyable at one time, but now it just tastes vaguely of mold and decay.

10/04/1996 - 02:58
The Adventures of Elmo in Grouchland 2

Does Elmo eventually find his blanket or is he decapitated by Oscar and his corpse feasted on by the residents of Grouchland? You make the call.

10/01/1999 - 23:13
The Adventures of Sebastian Cole0The transgendered lesbian is to independent cinema what the tricycle-riding bear is to Barnum and Bailey.08/13/1998 - 14:19
The Apostle0

If I jammed a large, felt-tip marker between my butt cheeks, bentover near a wall, and danced to the latest Spice Girls album for a couple hours, the resulting incoherent scribble would make a better script than what Duvall came up with,

01/30/1998 - 03:43
The Arrival0

Turns out "The Arrival" is a paranoid, UFO-fanatic's wet dream.

05/31/1996 - 03:57
The Art of War0

Snipes plays Neil Shaw, an American agent so secretive he makes James Bond look like a tour guide.

08/25/2000 - 03:58
The Astronaut's Wife0

If that now qualifies one as a space alien, I suppose the U.S. military can safely go ahead and strafe the next Promise Keepers meeting.

08/27/1999 - 15:01
The Benchwarmers0

Seriously, what does a guy have to do to lose work in Hollywood?

04/07/2006 - 15:33
The Big Hit0

If "The Big Hit" is really the "right one" or "very original,"it's time for me to start grunting like an ape and throwing my own feces at the theater screen.

04/24/1998 - 15:58
The Black Knight 0

How did this guy suddenly become the black Jerry Lewis, and why do black people laugh at him?

11/21/2001 - 16:26
The Cave0

Is it just me or does every alien or monster or genetic mutant creature look exactly the same now? It's like these movies are having sex with each other.

08/26/2005 - 19:26
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian4

The Telmarines, a race of angry castle dwelling Mexicans, are the Narnian's enemies. I've seen more intimidating sock puppets.

12/05/2008 - 23:24
The Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course 0

Much ado has been made of the fact that no crocodiles were hurt in the making of this movie. What's kept more quiet, however, is the death toll among other species during filming.

07/12/2002 - 20:58
The Cry Baby Killer 0

Watching Jack Nicholson in his first role, it really is a miracle anybody hired him to do anything else.

08/21/2000 - 21:07
The Day After Tomorrow 0

There's a disaster hurtling toward Earth, and it's this movie.

05/28/2004 - 14:27
The Descent6

For revealing the spoilers, I'd like to apologize less for myself and more for the filmmakers who have forced me to give away some of the film's secrets because they're incompetent filmmakers.

08/04/2006 - 15:08
The Doom Generation0

Like some high school dropout fascinated with his own creativity,(Director Gregg) Araki makes all convenience store transactions in the film amount to $6.66 -- the kind of quirk that makes you scream in agony, "I get it already!" the fourth or fifth time it comes up.

10/27/1995 - 16:40
The Dukes of Hazzard0

The film is so obviously lacking in any positive quality that even discussing it makes me feel like I'm soiling myself.

08/05/2005 - 19:47
The Edge of Love2

Take the cash for the movie ticket and treat yourself to something less painful, like a nice bikini wax or a stimulating root canal.

03/13/2009 - 14:58