Four Bomb Mr. Cranky Movie Reviews
This film can't even define itself, much less a decade.
|01/21/2000 - 20:31|
I'd rather spend my 180 minutes seeing how hard a 400-poundgorilla can tighten a vise around my penis before I pass out from the pain.
|10/10/1997 - 20:54|
|Bordello of Blood||0|
It's worth noting that not all the women in this masterpiece are blood-sucking whores -- some are frigid religious zealots.
|08/16/1996 - 21:13|
|Boys and Girls||0|
You know when an actress like Claire Forlani starts making fun of other actresses for being anorexic, the film is operating in another dimension.
|06/16/2000 - 21:33|
|Breakfast of Champions||1|
This movie is so badly acted and directed that it would have improved its seriousness significantly by casting finger puppets in the major roles.
|02/18/1999 - 22:18|
Watching Bride Wars is like being dragged to your third cousin's niece's wedding, then finding out that they're not even serving alcohol at the reception.
|01/14/2009 - 15:42|
|But I'm a Cheerleader||0|
There's an exposure point where a thing just becomes a sad mockery of itself, and "But I'm a Cheerleader" marks that point for gay film.
|11/16/2000 - 23:37|
|Can't Hardly Wait||0|
No matter how deep in the talent toilet you may reside, the hand of Hollywood is always willing to reach in and pull you out.
|06/12/1998 - 16:56|
Watching "Capote" is even better than eating at Chipotle. \
|02/03/2006 - 17:00|
The fact that dollar signs lit up in the eyes of the Hollywood executives being pitched this particular "winner" makes the case for their mandatory sterilization all the more airtight.
|08/23/1996 - 17:10|
|Cats and Dogs||0|
Unfortunately, special effects people appear hell-bent on ruling the film industry, and directors will stop at nothing to let them.
|07/04/2001 - 17:53|
"Chain Reaction" has more nifty coincidences than an identical twins convention.
|08/02/1996 - 21:18|
Director Andy Cadiff comes from the "watch me try so hard" school of romantic comedy.
|01/04/2004 - 21:51|
|Cheaper by the Dozen||0|
Hollywood screenwriters are completely clueless about anything resembling real-world fiscal concerns.
|12/25/2003 - 21:53|
|Cheaper by the Dozen 2||0|
In this day and age, there's simply no good excuse for having that many children.
|12/21/2005 - 21:55|
The best thing about "Chill Factor" is that it's over fast.
|09/01/1999 - 22:13|
|Chronicles of Riddick||0|
As far as I can figure, there appears to be some kind of contest between directors these days to see who can create the worst action sequence.
|06/11/2004 - 22:24|
|City by the Sea||0|
(Director Michael) Caton-Jones has about as much understanding of symbol and metaphor as a sock puppet.
|09/06/2002 - 22:33|
|Clash of the Titans||7|
Think of Clash of the Titans as being like that video game you had when you were a kid that had that one level you could never, ever get past. You just kept hitting continue, continue, continue, fighting the same battles over and over until you got so frustrated you actually went outside and sat in the yard and cried a single, beautiful tear.
|04/12/2010 - 14:34|
Unfortunately, all "Coach Carter" taught me was that I can actually scratch the first four verses of Revelations into the back of a theater chair with my fingernail in a little under two hours.
|01/14/2005 - 19:40|