Four Bomb Mr. Cranky Movie Reviews

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A Very Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas2

I wonder who will be the first in the "Harold and Kumar" franchise to bite the dust before they stop churning out lamentable carbon copies of gags that were vaguely amusing the first time and indescribably torturous after the 93rd re-telling.

11/27/2011 - 22:05
13 Ghosts0

Idiot-director Steve Beck is another one of those guys who's gone so overboard delivering style over substance that after "13 Ghosts" ends, one is stunned that Beck deigned to show any of the ghosts at all.

10/26/2001 - 20:10
1870

Anybody who refers to this film as "brilliant" is a moron.

07/30/1997 - 20:28
28 Days0

Sandra Bullock has been on a string of real winners lately, and like the final remains of my enchilada dinner, I see her career slowly swirling down the toilet.

04/14/2000 - 20:16
3000 Miles to Graceland 0

Had "3000 Miles to Graceland" been made twenty years ago, it might have seemed slightly original. Today, it's just an exercise in beating a dead Elvis.

02/23/2001 - 20:31
8 1/2 Women 0

Watching a Peter Greenaway film is like watching an episode of the Jerry Springer Show where all the guests have a college education.

08/12/1999 - 20:04
A Better Tomorrow0

This is one of John Woo's earliest "violence as opera" efforts and it makes one painfully aware of how close this guy was to being a director of soap operas or women's douche commercials.

08/16/2001 - 15:41
A Dog of Flanders0

Where's that runaway thresher when you need it?

08/27/1999 - 16:30
A Guy Thing0

All the set-ups come across as things that were never that funny to begin with, but are pursued with a kind of "dog eating itself to death" enthusiasm.

01/17/2003 - 22:17
A Life Less Ordinary 0

This film is essentially little more than a continuing stunt.

10/24/1997 - 15:44
A Night at the Roxbury 1

With all the success of "It's Pat," "A Night at the Roxbury" takes a one-joke sketch and attempts to turn it into a ninety minute film.

10/02/1998 - 00:45
A Prairie Home Companion 0

I do listen to this radio show on occasion, though it's mostly by accident. I think it comes on after the Car Guys and sometimes I just listen to it because I'm numbed into near unconsciousness by its Midwestern charm.

06/09/2006 - 21:46
A Scanner Darkly 1

I've been waiting all my life to see Winona Ryder's breasts on screen. I figured she'd do a nude scene eventually, either when she needed the money for bail or before she got too old to make it worthwhile. Let me tell you, it's some kind of shit storm that her first nude scene is animated.

07/28/2006 - 22:50
A Simple Wish 0

Mara Wilson is rapidly nearing that age (known in L.A. as "the awkward years") when she'll be old enough to have breasts, but too young to show them legally.

07/11/1997 - 21:10
A Smile Like Yours 0

Infertility is sometimes God's way of saying "please refrain from breeding."

08/22/1997 - 23:13
A Soldier's Daughter Never Cries0

Director James Ivoryis so interested in the minutiae of everyday life that it's only a matter of time before he films his next feature through a microscope jammed up somebody's ass.

09/18/1998 - 02:25
A Walk to Remember 0

The movie turns into a romance novel version of "Hard-Boiled." The carnage is palpable as director Adam Shankman stands in the hospital with his cliché gun and blasts everything in sight.

01/25/2002 - 00:03
Aeon Flux0

If you need another reason to stay away, keep in mind that "Aeon Flux" is one of those rare movies so bad that the studio refused to screen it for critics.

12/02/2005 - 19:33
After the Sunset0

You really have to hand it to that Brett Ratner for thinking up fun things for Hayek to do half-naked.

11/12/2004 - 19:46
Air Bud12

It's truly rare that you see this level of insightful childhood psychoanalysis in a film about a basketball-playing dog.

08/01/1997 - 05:56