Four Bomb Mr. Cranky Movie Reviews
What you should be asking yourself when you see this movie is this: "Is this the best they could do? Is this the hardest they could try?"
|12/12/1997 - 01:45|
Does this mean if Barbra Streisand strokes out suddenly I'll have to sit through a 9-part "Shoah"-like epic? God help us all.
|03/21/1997 - 01:26|
If Spade had underwear as old as his schtick he'd have to hire bodyguards just to keep the dogs from trying to sniff his ass.
|02/20/1998 - 01:24|
One of the most self indulgent, sadistic films of the year comes to us just in time for Christmas, and it's gift to us is to make us wish we were all dead.
|12/23/2008 - 21:36|
If you're a member of a deranged small-town militia,sitting in some bomb shelter with all your gun-toting buddies suddenly noticing how attractive that crack in Bobby Lee's ass is starting to look while you're waiting for the U.S. Government to come take everything you own, this film might appeal to you.
|01/31/1997 - 01:31|
|She's the Man||0|
Saying this film was torture is like saying that coating my scrotum with barbeque sauce and dipping it into a tank filled with piranha is mildly uncomfortable.
|03/17/2006 - 21:43|
|Sherlock Holmes - A Game of Shaddows||2|
It wasn't until 2011's "Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows" that a solution was finally found: gypsies.
Yes, that's right - gypsies.
|12/16/2011 - 18:35|
There's nothing worse than a Hollywood movie that thinks it's smarter than the conventions it's trying to parody, only to devolve helplessly into those very conventions.
|03/15/2002 - 21:28|
Watching this film was like unwrapping a pretty package to find a box filled with vomit.
|08/02/2002 - 21:20|
I can tell you, after two or so hours of this, I wanted to get out of the theater a whole lot worse than Rose wanted to get out of Silent Hill.
|04/21/2006 - 21:17|
If you're a filmmaker aspiring to move to L.A., here's a little news flash: It's kind of fake.
|08/23/2002 - 21:14|
There are enough flashbacks in this film to give Dennis Hopper a headache.
|02/04/1999 - 21:13|
If you take the number of farting and masturbation jokes in this film and divide it by the I.Q. of the director, you actually get a whole number.
|02/01/2002 - 23:31|
|Snakes on a Plane||0|
After a whopping 15-million-dollar opening weekend, we now know the main achievement of all the hype received by "Snakes on a Plane": the wide release. Had none of this pre-publicity happened, SoaP would have gone straight to video. It's a pathetic piece of shit.
|08/18/2006 - 23:08|
"Snow Dogs" was like the doctor telling me he was going to cut off my entire leg and when I woke up, only the foot was missing.
|01/18/2002 - 23:03|
"Solaris" is seriously slow. Soderbergh seems fascinated by things like rain hitting a window and light shining onto a floor. Minutes go by between sentences.
|11/27/2002 - 02:29|
Director Paul Anderson and screenwriter David Webb Peoples seem to have belched out the whole concept during a local happy hour.
|10/23/1998 - 02:28|
Solo is an android. However, he's obviously been built with leftover Data and Spock parts culled from rejected "Star Trek" scripts.
|08/23/1996 - 02:24|
"Sorority Boys" is one of those films where you can tell which men in the audience are potential rapists by how hard they laugh.
|03/22/2002 - 02:14|
One supposes that somewhere in film school the idea of "conflict" was explained to (director Stephen) Carpenter, but he wasn't paying attention that day. He strains for believability like a four-year-old grasping for a cookie jar on top of a refrigerator.
|09/07/2001 - 02:04|