Four Bomb Mr. Cranky Movie Reviews
| Movie | Comments | Blurb | Created |
|---|---|---|---|
| The Truth About Charlie | 0 | Mark Wahlberg is to Cary Grant what the kazoo is to the violin. | 10/25/2002 - 20:29 |
| The Twilight Saga: New Moon | 2 | The true goal of this film is to instill in teenage girls the desire to lose their virginity as soon as possible. | 12/11/2009 - 20:32 |
| The Virgin Suicides | 0 | Sofia Coppola wrote and directed this film, which means twice the failure. | 05/12/1999 - 04:12 |
| The Whole Ten Yards | 0 | Aside from maybe the Ebola or trying to correct the grammar in George W. Bush's first draft speechwriting efforts, I can think of nothing worse than watching Bruce Willis overact, unless that includes watching Matthew Perry overact on the same screen. | 04/09/2004 - 02:49 |
| The World is Not Enough | 1 | As we all know, Bond is only as good as the guy who's about to kill him, and these days, Bond is just slightly better than a cub scout having a temper tantrum. | 11/19/1999 - 23:01 |
| The Young Posisoner's Handbook | 0 | For at least an hour-and-a-half of this wretched film, I could have sworn my head was as heavy as a wrecking ball. | 02/23/1995 - 22:36 |
| They | 0 | This film is a "Wes Craven Presents" thing. You know, the type of film they want you to believe is by another filmmaker who's better than the one actually directing it. | 11/27/2002 - 02:54 |
| Thinner | 0 | The only real lesson in this film is "stay away from gypsies". Apparently, gypsies are really vindictive and if you piss them off they'll put a hex on you and screw you good. | 10/25/1996 - 02:46 |
| Thunderbirds | 0 | If you went to Vegas three years ago and had to lay money down on whether in three years a movie based on a 1960s puppet show called "Thunderbirds" was going to get made or whether George W. Bush was going to announce a manned mission to the sun, I guarantee you that your money would have been on the manned mission to the sun regardless of whether you think George Bush is an idiot or a genius. | 09/15/1970 - 02:50 |
| Time Code | 0 | Frankly, this is the kind of idea high school teachers whack their students on the head with a ruler for. It's stupid. It's annoying. | 04/28/2000 - 01:52 |
| Timeline | 0 | This is a movie that's supposed to be interesting, fast-paced and suspenseful. It's boring, confusing and stupid. | 11/26/2003 - 01:47 |
| Tomb Raider | 0 | If you're looking for plot holes, try not to break your neck falling into the ones in "Tomb Raider." | 06/15/2001 - 01:33 |
| Torque | 0 | Anyone requiring evidence that video games will eventually destroy cinema need go no further than a theater showing "Torque." The only thing missing from this movie was a joystick. | 01/16/2004 - 01:25 |
| Treasure Planet | 0 | Having sampled both "Treasure Planet" the movie and "Treasure Planet" the McDonald's Happy Meal, I'm electing to review the Happy Meal. | 11/27/2002 - 00:50 |
| Trees Lounge | 0 | "Trees Lounge" is deadly dull, uninspiring, slowly paced and has a plotthat can be simply described as "man discovers something about himself." | 10/11/1996 - 20:52 |
| Trekkies | 0 | Take a look at the children of the dentist during the interview. They're wearing rigid smiles on their faces that scream "help me" so loud you want to call Social Services. | 11/08/1997 - 20:51 |
| Trial and Error | 0 | As Jonathan Lynn's directorial future spirals down the great caree rtoilet, he makes a pathetic, last-ditch attempt to jump on his own negligible coattails. | 05/30/1997 - 20:50 |
| Twin Dragons | 0 | Nobody on this planet gave Jean-Claude Van Damme a break for making "Double Impact," so I don't know why Jackie Chan should get some special dispensation for this horrible film. | 04/09/1992 - 20:19 |
| U-Turn | 0 | All the people in this film are such caricatures that dropping a bomb on the town of Superior, Arizona would have had all the emotional resonance of a Jimmy Swaggart confessional. | 10/03/1997 - 18:52 |
| Undiscovered | 0 | Suffice it to say that the film's most interesting thing is a skateboarding bulldog. Each time the thing shows up on screen it's like a rat running through the theater. Suddenly, the movie just doesn't matter and all you want to know is where the rat went and when it's coming back. | 08/26/2006 - 19:37 |