Four Bomb Mr. Cranky Movie Reviews

MovieCommentsBlurbCreatedsort icon
Body Shots0

This film can't even define itself, much less a decade.

01/21/2000 - 20:31
Boogie Nights0

I'd rather spend my 180 minutes seeing how hard a 400-poundgorilla can tighten a vise around my penis before I pass out from the pain.

10/10/1997 - 20:54
Bordello of Blood0

It's worth noting that not all the women in this masterpiece are blood-sucking whores -- some are frigid religious zealots.

08/16/1996 - 21:13
Boys and Girls0

You know when an actress like Claire Forlani starts making fun of other actresses for being anorexic, the film is operating in another dimension.

06/16/2000 - 21:33
Breakfast of Champions 1

This movie is so badly acted and directed that it would have improved its seriousness significantly by casting finger puppets in the major roles.

02/18/1999 - 22:18
Bride Wars2

Watching Bride Wars is like being dragged to your third cousin's niece's wedding, then finding out that they're not even serving alcohol at the reception.

01/14/2009 - 15:42
But I'm a Cheerleader0

There's an exposure point where a thing just becomes a sad mockery of itself, and "But I'm a Cheerleader" marks that point for gay film.

11/16/2000 - 23:37
Can't Hardly Wait0

No matter how deep in the talent toilet you may reside, the hand of Hollywood is always willing to reach in and pull you out.

06/12/1998 - 16:56
Capote3

Watching "Capote" is even better than eating at Chipotle. \

02/03/2006 - 17:00
Carpool0

The fact that dollar signs lit up in the eyes of the Hollywood executives being pitched this particular "winner" makes the case for their mandatory sterilization all the more airtight.

08/23/1996 - 17:10
Cats and Dogs0

Unfortunately, special effects people appear hell-bent on ruling the film industry, and directors will stop at nothing to let them.

07/04/2001 - 17:53
Chain Reaction0

"Chain Reaction" has more nifty coincidences than an identical twins convention.

08/02/1996 - 21:18
Chasing Liberty0

Director Andy Cadiff comes from the "watch me try so hard" school of romantic comedy.

01/04/2004 - 21:51
Cheaper by the Dozen0

Hollywood screenwriters are completely clueless about anything resembling real-world fiscal concerns.

12/25/2003 - 21:53
Cheaper by the Dozen 20

In this day and age, there's simply no good excuse for having that many children.

12/21/2005 - 21:55
Chill Factor0

The best thing about "Chill Factor" is that it's over fast.

09/01/1999 - 22:13
Chronicles of Riddick 0

As far as I can figure, there appears to be some kind of contest between directors these days to see who can create the worst action sequence.

06/11/2004 - 22:24
City by the Sea0

(Director Michael) Caton-Jones has about as much understanding of symbol and metaphor as a sock puppet.

09/06/2002 - 22:33
Clash of the Titans7

Think of Clash of the Titans as being like that video game you had when you were a kid that had that one level you could never, ever get past. You just kept hitting continue, continue, continue, fighting the same battles over and over until you got so frustrated you actually went outside and sat in the yard and cried a single, beautiful tear.

04/12/2010 - 14:34
Coach Carter0

Unfortunately, all "Coach Carter" taught me was that I can actually scratch the first four verses of Revelations into the back of a theater chair with my fingernail in a little under two hours.

01/14/2005 - 19:40