Four Bomb Mr. Cranky Movie Reviews

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Freddy Got Fingered 3

"Oh no, this is going to be bad."

04/20/2001 - 16:23
Freddy vs. Jason 0

The actual fight between Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees comprises a minuscule portion of the film and has all the excitement of a Michael Moore belly dance.

08/15/2003 - 16:36
Friday Night Lights0

In terms of believable plot evolution, I'd have been less surprised had the kicker started scoring 100-yard field goals by shooting the football out of his ass.

10/08/2004 - 16:44
Friday the 13th0

Having last seen this movie when I was 13, I hadn't realized just what a colossal rip-off of "Psycho" it is.

08/26/1997 - 16:40
Gang Related2

The last time I looked, Tupac Shakur did not resemble anybody of Mexican descent -- who the hell decided to name him "Rodriguez"? Christ, why not go with "Chang" or "Dances with Bears"? Or, if you're a stickler for accuracy (as I am), how about "Wormy"?

10/08/1997 - 23:44
Get Him To The Greek0

This is perfect if you need to cast a sleazy narcissist whose ideal threesome consists of your girlfriend and your mother, but not so good if you require anything like the emotional range that was mistakenly written into the final 20 minutes of this suddenly moralistic road movie.

06/14/2010 - 09:54
Get Rich or Die Tryin' 0

The production notes make much of Fiddy's "charisma," but on the big screen he's more wooden than a Viking boat museum.

11/09/2005 - 01:40
Ghosts of Mars0

Natasha Henstridge in a movie about strip-mining. How could such a thing could not include a nude scene or two?

08/24/2001 - 01:57

Welcome to Hollywood and the Anne Heche-ization of lesbianism. Not only is lesbianism a transitory sexual preference, to be waved around like a Chanel purse, but it's also a great marketing tool!

08/01/2003 - 19:22

The story is paper-thin, the dialogue could have been scripted by an ESL student, and the character development makes one pine for the complexity of an Emilio Estevez tour de force.

05/19/1998 - 21:22
Godzilla 20000

A true Godzilla movie isn't supposed to be any good in the first place.

08/18/2000 - 21:23
Grand Theft Auto0

If you're expecting to see something in this movie that would lead you to believe that Ron Howard would go on to be a successful Hollywood director, you're not going to find it here.

08/27/1997 - 21:59

Some viewers might enjoy these ‘slice of life’ movies that take us deep inside the main character’s existence, but with Greenberg it feels like high-diving into the shallow end while on fire.

05/29/2010 - 18:18
Gridiron Gang0

Like "Invincible" before it, "Gridiron Gang" is supposedly based on a true story, which is about as meaningful as saying it was researched on the Internet.

09/15/2006 - 22:08

Looking for the good story or compelling characters that mark a worthwhile film about society's darker reaches? Gridlock'd seems to take a certain joy in having neither.

01/29/1997 - 22:09
Guess Who0

In terms of drop-off, it's like falling into the Marianas Trench.

03/25/2005 - 22:14

Given that Fisher (Stevens) has the build and presence of an anorexic supermodel, it probably made complete sense to some mongoloid film executive to cast him in the part of a villain in this Cyberspace/Dance Club flick.

09/15/1995 - 22:19
Half-Baked 1

Making movies this bad suggests that marijuana is not a harmless drug.

01/16/1998 - 02:35
Halloween: H20 0

I'm just a little bit chafed that every horror film launched from Hollywood these days has Kevin Williamson's name attached to it like a remora. That would be just peachy if Kevin weren't to horror films what Jim Varney is to comedy.

08/05/1998 - 03:00
Hanging Up0

Somehow, director Keaton and effete hacks Delia and Nora Ephron conceived this to be a film about familial love. Like most Ephron films, however, it's really a Trojan horse of misogyny.

02/18/2000 - 03:09