Four Bomb Mr. Cranky Movie Reviews

Moviesort iconCommentsBlurbCreated
Planet of the Apes (2001) 0

Apparently, shelter and human rights are nonexistent on Planet Ape, but lip gloss is plentiful.

07/27/2001 - 20:32
Portrait of a Lady 0

After about an hour of this literary vomit, the only point in watching it is to see if it has one.

01/17/1997 - 21:31
Poseidon 0

I must admit I have a soft spot in my heart for disaster films that are themselves disasters. It makes my job easy.

05/12/2006 - 21:32

This is the feel good hit of the fall. No wait: It's the feel good hit of the year! No, it's the feel good hit of the new millennium! Wait, I'd say it's the feel good hit of all-time!! Ever! Yay!

10/23/2003 - 22:34

Maybe heroin's not so bad after all!

10/24/2004 - 03:59
Ready to Rumble 0

David Arquette's name on a film is an open invitation for me to douse my naked body in honey and run into the bear cage at the local zoo.

04/07/2000 - 04:02
Red Corner0

It's amazing that these Chinese can apparently put down an entire revolution on national television, but can't figure out how to shoot one annoying American lawyer in the head.

10/31/1997 - 04:08

Ironically, the only thing I liked about "Rent" was that I didn't have to pay for it.

11/23/2005 - 04:33
Resident Evil: Apocalypse 0

Nothing worse can be said about a movie than having your brain involuntary erase the thing from your memory.

09/10/2004 - 19:53

Let's talk about Jennifer Grey's nose.

09/14/2001 - 20:27
Romeo Must Die 0

Jet Li appears. Jet Li kicks ass. It doesn't take a member of MENSA to figure that out. Unfortunately, first-time director Adrezej Bartkowiak would be lucky to spell MENSA.

03/22/2000 - 20:48
Rugrats in Paris and 102 Dalmations0

Hollywood plotting and my idiotic ideas have partnered in a horrific cosmic dance.

11/17/2000 - 20:26
Running Scared 0

There's so much jump-cutting and first-person action in this thing that I skipped the popcorn and opted for the extra-large bucket of Rolaids.

02/24/2006 - 21:33
Saw II 0

This isn't quite "Blair Witch Project 2" bad, but it's pretty close.

10/28/2005 - 22:54
Saw III 0

If there's an axiom about movies that is mostly true and interesting, it's that films (and particular types of films that get made over and over again within a certain time period) are representative of their era. Welcome to George Bush's America and the "Saw" series.

10/27/2006 - 22:52
Say It Isn't So 0

"Hey, look! This film has all sorts of poo-poo and wee-wee humor in it! Come see it!"

03/23/2001 - 22:51
Scary Movie 2 0

This movie is barely an hour long, so not only is it bad, but the amount paid for each bad minute was such that I felt even more ripped off.

07/04/2001 - 22:45
Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed 0

Sitting through this film I simply felt defeated.

03/26/2004 - 01:53
Scooby-Doo 0

What exactly compels the American public to throw $56 million at a movie like "Scooby-Doo," a movie so dumb it's unlikely to catalyze a single neural synapse within its catatonic, drooling audience?

06/14/2002 - 22:37
Scorpius Gigantus 0

What really pisses me off is that the film features a tough-as-nails female solider named Dokic (Evgenia Vasileva) who is not naked.

09/13/2006 - 01:48