Four Bomb Mr. Cranky Movie Reviews
|Planet of the Apes (2001)||0|
Apparently, shelter and human rights are nonexistent on Planet Ape, but lip gloss is plentiful.
|07/27/2001 - 20:32|
|Portrait of a Lady||0|
After about an hour of this literary vomit, the only point in watching it is to see if it has one.
|01/17/1997 - 21:31|
I must admit I have a soft spot in my heart for disaster films that are themselves disasters. It makes my job easy.
|05/12/2006 - 21:32|
This is the feel good hit of the fall. No wait: It's the feel good hit of the year! No, it's the feel good hit of the new millennium! Wait, I'd say it's the feel good hit of all-time!! Ever! Yay!
|10/23/2003 - 22:34|
Maybe heroin's not so bad after all!
|10/24/2004 - 03:59|
|Ready to Rumble||0|
David Arquette's name on a film is an open invitation for me to douse my naked body in honey and run into the bear cage at the local zoo.
|04/07/2000 - 04:02|
It's amazing that these Chinese can apparently put down an entire revolution on national television, but can't figure out how to shoot one annoying American lawyer in the head.
|10/31/1997 - 04:08|
Ironically, the only thing I liked about "Rent" was that I didn't have to pay for it.
|11/23/2005 - 04:33|
|Resident Evil: Apocalypse||0|
Nothing worse can be said about a movie than having your brain involuntary erase the thing from your memory.
|09/10/2004 - 19:53|
Let's talk about Jennifer Grey's nose.
|09/14/2001 - 20:27|
|Romeo Must Die||0|
Jet Li appears. Jet Li kicks ass. It doesn't take a member of MENSA to figure that out. Unfortunately, first-time director Adrezej Bartkowiak would be lucky to spell MENSA.
|03/22/2000 - 20:48|
|Rugrats in Paris and 102 Dalmations||0|
Hollywood plotting and my idiotic ideas have partnered in a horrific cosmic dance.
|11/17/2000 - 20:26|
There's so much jump-cutting and first-person action in this thing that I skipped the popcorn and opted for the extra-large bucket of Rolaids.
|02/24/2006 - 21:33|
This isn't quite "Blair Witch Project 2" bad, but it's pretty close.
|10/28/2005 - 22:54|
If there's an axiom about movies that is mostly true and interesting, it's that films (and particular types of films that get made over and over again within a certain time period) are representative of their era. Welcome to George Bush's America and the "Saw" series.
|10/27/2006 - 22:52|
|Say It Isn't So||0|
"Hey, look! This film has all sorts of poo-poo and wee-wee humor in it! Come see it!"
|03/23/2001 - 22:51|
|Scary Movie 2||0|
This movie is barely an hour long, so not only is it bad, but the amount paid for each bad minute was such that I felt even more ripped off.
|07/04/2001 - 22:45|
|Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed||0|
Sitting through this film I simply felt defeated.
|03/26/2004 - 01:53|
What exactly compels the American public to throw $56 million at a movie like "Scooby-Doo," a movie so dumb it's unlikely to catalyze a single neural synapse within its catatonic, drooling audience?
|06/14/2002 - 22:37|
What really pisses me off is that the film features a tough-as-nails female solider named Dokic (Evgenia Vasileva) who is not naked.
|09/13/2006 - 01:48|