Four Bomb Mr. Cranky Movie Reviews
...I could have better spent the two hours banging my penis between a couple of large rocks.
|08/24/1999 - 16:31|
I think in early drafts of the screenplay, the character Susan simply went by the name "STUPID NO-GOOD BITCH EX-WIFE."
|11/02/2001 - 16:33|
This movie badly reeks of "True Romance" stench. Does director Tony Scott have nothing better to do than rip himself off?
|10/14/2005 - 16:41|
If the airline industry were run anything like Hollywood, planes would drop from the sky like bird crap, because stewardesses would be trying to fly them and baggage handlers would be designing the engines.
|01/12/2001 - 16:49|
|Down to Earth||0|
There is no God.
|02/16/2001 - 16:57|
|Down to You||0|
It's like Isacsson wrote the dialogue to be performed by two sales consultants at a marketing conference.
|01/21/2000 - 19:14|
|Dr. Dolittle 2||0|
Eddie Murphy gets his twenty million dollars, his co-stars get the boost of starring in a film with him, some voice talent gets a few bucks, some animals are abused, and there you have "Dr. Doolittle 2".
|06/22/2001 - 19:19|
|Dracula 2: Ascension||0|
The premise of the film is that a bunch of medical students get hold of a vampire and are going to examine his blood and figure out the secret to immortality. It seems like a reasonable plan, except anybody who's watching knows they're all going to die, so whatever they do doesn't really matter much.
|03/01/2006 - 19:24|
If Joe's wife loves him so damn much, how come she torments him from the afterlife?
|02/22/2002 - 19:27|
Dennis Quaid tries to pull off this fake Irish accent that sounds like he's just had a shot of Novocain.
|05/31/1996 - 19:28|
Those who remember "Signs" will once again shake their heads as Hollywood ships us another "Aliens with Super-Advanced Technology Can't Do the Simplest Things" film.
|03/21/2003 - 19:33|
|Drop Dead Gorgeous||0|
Heading up the beauty pageant organizing committee is Rebecca's overbearing mother, Gladys(Kirstie "Next stop: Hollywood Squares" Alley), who looks like she recently gave birth to a herd of cattle.
|07/23/1999 - 19:39|
|Dude, Where's My Car?||0|
To imagine that there was a whole process required to bring this film to screen is almost too painful to imagine.
|12/15/2000 - 19:43|
I figured I could endure. I figured wrong.
|08/22/1999 - 19:44|
As for the human cost of "Due Date" – it's almost too high to calculate. This is the kind of movie that will have you leaving your soul behind when you exit the theatre's double doors, a movie that will make you wonder how two such promising talents could ass-plode their future prospects so completely and utterly in just 100 minutes of screen time.
|11/21/2010 - 17:24|
And God reached down from the heavens and placed his finger on the brain of the screenwriter and said, "Lo, thy name is genius."
|05/31/1996 - 02:19|
|Eight Legged Freaks||0|
I get the chills whenever I see David Arquette billed first for a movie.
|07/17/2002 - 02:40|
Whenever I see Denise Richards I tend to say the same thing Dustin Hoffman's father said in "The Graduate": plastics.
|12/06/2002 - 23:28|
|Enemy at the Gates||0|
I don't know what kind of historical license director Jean-Jacques Annaud was granted for this film, but didn't the Russians endure enough in World War II that smarmy, British actors portraying them years later should feel compelled to at least attempt a Russian accent?
|03/16/2001 - 23:47|
I'm envious of anybody who didn't have to sit through this piece of shit.
|04/30/2004 - 23:56|