Nuke Mr. Cranky Movie Reviews
Movie | Comments | Blurb | Created |
|---|---|---|---|
| Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows | 1 | An episode of the Teletubbies has more scares than "Blair Witch 2." | 10/27/2000 - 16:45 |
| Christmas with the Kranks | 0 | Watching "Christmas with the Kranks" is like watching a dead body being devoured by maggots. It's not like the corpse can just get up two-thirds of the way through and decide that it wants to live. | 11/24/2004 - 22:18 |
| Die Another Day | 0 | I don't even know where to begin. | 11/22/2002 - 16:13 |
| District 9 | 8 | “District 9” represents precisely what is wrong with all the torture-porn and pointless SFX garbage that gets shoveled at horror and sci-fi fans these days. | 08/27/2009 - 17:32 |
| Easier Said | 0 | "You know, at least it's inspired. Who would have thought to make 'Romeo and Juliet' with chimps?" | 08/23/1999 - 02:13 |
| Elizabethtown | 0 | "Elizabethtown" is among the worst films I've ever seen. I walked out of the film missing part of my soul. | 10/14/2005 - 23:09 |
| First Daughter | 0 | You know that impending terrorist attack they've been warning us about? I think this movie may be it. | 09/24/2004 - 14:49 |
| Grown Ups | 4 | Think of every teen comedy involving summer hijinks you have ever seen and then age the cast 25 years, remove every single joke in the script and add a running gag about a four year old who is still breastfeeding – in public. | 07/02/2010 - 07:19 |
| I Am Sam | 20 | Had I the opportunity, I would have fitted the entire Chinese army with steel soccer cleats and let them march over my unfurled penis if it meant that I could have left the theater even one second earlier than the end of this horrific, manipulative, shameless piece of universal cosmic dung. | 11/25/2002 - 02:29 |
| Inception | 6 | Nolan, however, thought he had a better way to approach a movie about dreaming: make it really, really boring. In fact, make it so boring that the audience is unable to tell if it is asleep or awake. | 07/24/2010 - 18:20 |
| Kangaroo Jack | 0 | This is the kind of movie that, once it's over, you leave the theater with your jacket over your head. | 01/17/2003 - 20:23 |
| Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life | 0 | An open letter to Sherry Lansing, CEO, Paramount Pictures: | 07/25/2003 - 02:02 |
| Maid in Manhattan | 0 | What I thought was going to be five or ten minutes of pre-movie hype turned into 50 excruciating minutes of the most shameless boot-licking sycophantism I've ever seen. | 12/13/2002 - 03:03 |
| Max Payne | 16 | If I wrote 100 of the most tired and over-used movie cliches on a huge 10x10 grid, had a group of drunken monkeys throw feces at this grid for a few days, then made a screenplay based on nothing but the most shit-stained contrivances, the resulting film would have a 95% chance of being better and far more coherent than "Max Payne." | 10/21/2008 - 13:06 |
| Miss March | 1 | Unfortunately, the digital revolution has made it cheap enough for any television producer with a million bucks lying around to shit out their own bowel-shaking masterpiece and distribute it to unsuspecting theatre chains across the country. | 03/24/2009 - 19:49 |
| My Boss's Daughter | 0 | This film has the appearance of a 22-minute sitcom that failed to get picked up, so the producers turned it into an 80-minute movie. | 08/22/2003 - 21:13 |
| National Lampoon's Gold Diggers | 0 | I realize that putting the "National Lampoon" brand on a movie these days basically implies cinematic sodomy, but it still boggles the mind that somebody somewhere on Earth thought somebody else would find this funny. | 09/09/2003 - 20:15 |
| Rollerball | 0 | Watching the XFL wasn't this bad. | 02/08/2002 - 20:43 |
| Shining Through | 0 | Ed, taste my strudel. | 09/10/1995 - 21:37 |
| Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li | 4 | Street Fighter used to be about the fighting. Apparently, now it’s about giving B grade TV stars their very own leading roles. | 03/09/2009 - 03:51 |
