One Bomb Mr. Cranky Movie Reviews

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There's a picture on the back of the DVD case in which Cate Blanchett is in the process of taking off her shirt. Now, I must have fast-forwarded through this damn DVD fifteen times and I never came across that scene. If that isn't false advertising, I don't know what is.

02/21/2002 - 17:01

Personally, I'm not big on the "Rashomon" effect where the same story is told from different points of view. In the real world, we often refer to that as the "what the hell is going on?" effect.

08/27/2004 - 17:22
Il Postino 0

This is yet another foreign film where no one explodes, speaks English or tries (at the very least) to sleep with a serial killer.

09/12/1999 - 21:36
In America0

So what does living in unemployed squalor mean to two lovely Catholics from Ireland? That's right, you guessed it: Have another child.

10/31/2003 - 20:34
It's Kind Of A Funny Story0

15 minutes into the movie I was having Patch Adams crossed with Dead Poets Society flashbacks that were so intense I actually had to leave the theatre and breath into a brown paper bag until I stopped hyperventilating. When I returned to that darkened chamber, the situation had not improved.

11/01/2010 - 07:44

Here's the problem as the movie presents it: There's a shark in the water and it's eating people. Here's the solution as I see it: Don't go in the water.

09/01/1999 - 16:39
Lawn Dogs0

This film tries so hard to be irreverent that it collapses under the sheer weight of its overweening wackiness.

05/15/1998 - 14:33
Lawrence of Arabia 2

Since Sissy-Boy of Arabia likes the hot weather and can ride a camel long distances without drinking any water, the Arabs immediately fall in love with him.

09/02/1999 - 14:35
Les Triplettes de Belleville0

The intent here is obvious: Make everything as weird as possible and pass it off as art.

06/11/2003 - 20:45
Lilo and Stitch0

Stitch is a vicious beast from an alien planet created with spare genetic parts by scientists gone mad. Kinda like Joan Rivers.

06/21/2002 - 15:48
Lone Star0

Independent director John Sayles' "Lone Star" may be the closest thing to a tolerable movie this year.

06/21/1996 - 20:33
Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers 0

Cranky guest reviewer: Trent Lott.

12/18/2002 - 20:46
Love & Other Drugs0

We've all seen this movie before: a self-centered dude falls in love with a sick girl and learns that money isn't everything.

01/09/2011 - 13:14
Love and Human Remains0

Director Denys Arcand tries to convince us that sex and AIDS and commitment is some sort of a problem in Canada when we all know damn well that nobody is having sex up in Canada because it's just too damn cold.

06/23/1995 - 21:09

As we all know, cute little girls deserve all the good things that life has to offer. Ugly kids deserve to be thrown into microwave ovens and barbecued until they explode.

08/02/1996 - 21:27

Don't Carrie-Anne Moss and writer/director Christopher Nolan care about my needs?

03/16/2001 - 17:10
Men in Black0

It almost looks as if an actual Will Smith was present during the shooting, rather than a celluloid cutout made possible by the same technology that transported Humphrey Bogart into a soft drink commercial.

07/02/1997 - 17:13
Miami Vice0

Creator/writer/director Michael Mann had a choice to make with regards to his 2006 version of "Miami Vice." After all, he could have just as easily turned it into a comedy.

07/28/2006 - 05:40
Michael Collins 0

At no time does Kitty (Julia Roberts) pull down her shorts and show Irish renegade Michael Collins (Liam Neeson) her penis. Apparently, director Neil Jordan is moving up in the world.

10/11/1996 - 05:43
Microcosmos 0

Unfortunately, this film operates on the principle that the bigger you make something, the more interesting it will be. This is sick and wrong.

09/06/2003 - 05:46