One Bomb Mr. Cranky Movie Reviews

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Miller's Crossing 0

The Coens -- like most self-involved liberal filmmakers -- refuse to write a story that could possibly be accessed by simpler folk with actual jobs.

09/06/1999 - 05:58
Minority Report 0

Though Spielberg tries to keep his vision of the future believable, he predictably falters when any opportunity arises for a good special effect to take center stage.

06/21/2002 - 22:52
Mission: Impossible 0

Within the first five minutes Emilio Estevez is dead. At this point, I'm thinking to myself, "This could be the greatest movie ever made."

05/22/1996 - 23:09
Mulan0

Under the guise of political correctness, Disney has chosen to manipulate a Chinese legend so that little girls who don't have huge breasts or petite figures will be able to empower themselves by spending the rest of their lives trying to figure out how to wipe out an army.

06/19/1998 - 01:53
Murderball0

Its main goal to prove that, like normal people, quadriplegics can be assholes too.

09/08/1999 - 20:59
Mystic River0

Its lack of airport security really got the ball rolling on this whole Patriot Act thing, but other than that...

10/15/2003 - 21:40
No Strings Attached0

"No Strings Attached" tries to throw in all of the typical date movie trappings, like the freewheeling movie star dad, the geek sexy production assistant and the token black friend, but ultimately it falls flat.

02/01/2011 - 05:43
North by Northwest 0

In an action thriller you just kind of hope Cary doesn't get his ass kicked by a roving band of asthmatic geriatrics.

09/10/1999 - 16:31
Point Blank0

"Point Blank" is mostly commentary on the nameless, faceless, repulsive character of corporate America.

09/12/1998 - 20:44
Predators1

Sadly, time has not been kind to the Predator race, as it appears that they have lost about 800 IQ points in the intervening decades.

07/11/2010 - 03:11
Psycho 0

Marion, the victim of Norman's shower rage, is hardly young and innocent. She ends up at the Bates Motel, which is no Jamaica Inn, because she's stolen $40,000 and then disappeared like a white shadow.

09/13/1999 - 18:00
Quai Des Orfévres 4

This is because the French are evidently woozy from cheese and armpit fumes.

09/13/2000 - 18:30
Quills0

"Quills" is the latest Disney Christmas film and fun for the whole family. It's a true holiday treasure that will be adored by young and old for ages to come!

12/15/2000 - 18:35
Raging Bull0

There's Joe Pesci again, playing the same Italian midget jackass he always plays. This sort of reminded me of Elvis' film career because Elvis was always playing himself too.

09/13/2000 - 22:40
Raiders of the Lost Ark 1

His name says it all: Indy. He is independent, a free thinker, possibly bisexual.

09/13/1999 - 22:41
Real Steel0

This would have made a decent premise for a video game - at least until they introduced the 11-year old boy who somehow discovers the robot boxing prodigy that will become their meal ticket. Remember the last time you found something at the junkyard that, instead of giving you tetanus, made you the champion of the world? No, me neither.

10/26/2011 - 09:19
Ronin0

Personally, I would have preferred an usher to stamp "idiot" on my forehead as I exited the theater.

09/25/1998 - 20:51
Schindler's List 0

Mr. Cranky Guest Reviewer: Hutton Gibson (Mel Gibson's dad)*

09/13/1995 - 22:41
Seabiscuit 0

I've seen pretty much everything there is to see at a movie screening, but a theater full of drunken jockeys was a new one.

07/25/2003 - 01:39
Sense and Sensibility 0

This a typically British film in the sense that it's about a bunch of tight-assed English people.

12/13/1995 - 01:25