One Bomb Mr. Cranky Movie Reviews

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Apparently, after Hollywood witnessed Gina admiring Elizabeth Berkley's breasts in "Showgirls," they convinced themselves that Gina must actually be a lesbian and had to be cast in every juicy lesbian role that comes out of Hollywood.

10/04/1996 - 21:21

If Dilbert smoked crack, this is the film he would see in his mind.

08/19/2000 - 21:53

Instead of descending into tragic self-parody like Michael Myers, or only saying yes to movies that allow for the employment of talentless hangers-on like Adam Sandler, Wiig has elected to become a male chauvinist lapdog.

07/14/2011 - 14:04
Brokeback Mountain0

Warning: Euphemisms!

12/16/2005 - 22:48

People often mistake "Casablanca" as one of the greatest films of all time.

08/20/1998 - 17:16
Catch Me If You Can 0

There's nothing quite like a Steven Spielberg film to get a herd of fidgety film critics out in droves to suck some Hollywood wang.

12/25/2002 - 17:47
Cedar Rapids0

"Cedar Rapids" sort of plays out like "Best in Show" meets "Ferris Bueller's Day Off," only instead of a Ferrari crashing through a crowd of Pekinese, we get to see John C. Reilly masturbate in a pool with a garbage can lid on his head.

03/21/2011 - 06:43

Dutch director Mike Van Diem's emotionless drama is so chillingly excessive in its rendering of cold human beings that it makes Merchant-Ivory films look like orgy-laden pornos by comparison.

03/27/1998 - 21:27
Che: The Roadshow Edition3

Che Guevara was an asshole.

04/01/2009 - 16:17

Frankly, if Zellweger could just borrow a little of what Queen Latifah has got, she'd have way more than she could handle.

01/24/2003 - 21:57
Cinderella Man0

This just proves that historical movies treat history much like a chimp treats the glass at the zoo.

06/03/2005 - 22:27
Citizen Kane3

A sled! A f@#$ing sled!

08/20/1999 - 22:30
Courage Under Fire0

Isn't it just like Hollywood to beat us over the head with catharsis until we don't know up from down?

07/12/1996 - 20:32
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon 0

"Hidden Zebra, Squatting What?"

12/22/2000 - 21:01

Though pondering the nature of existence might feel like a higher calling to the person doing it, to other people watching it just looks like you're masturbating.

08/21/1997 - 21:14
Das Boot1

Seen one U-boat, seen them all.

08/19/2000 - 20:57
Date Night6

Remember when your own parents would go out for dinner once a month, and then come home gassy, bloated and cranky from the bad buffet food and terrible service? This movie is just like that, minus the General Tao chicken.

04/30/2010 - 05:46
Dead Man Walking0

Liberals are so god-damned annoying because they want you to think about every little thing.

01/12/1996 - 14:41
Drag Me to Hell0

Note: give any disgusting one-eyed old lady with a Hungarian accent who puts her filthy dentures on your desk whatever the fuck she wants.

07/09/2009 - 18:47
Dream with the Fishes 0

Given that this is a convention-defying independent film,it ends with the requisite cathartic ritual.

06/20/1997 - 19:30