One Bomb Mr. Cranky Movie Reviews

Moviesort iconCommentsBlurbCreated
Seven 1

While I don't want to give anything away, here's the biggest shock of the movie (avert your eyes if you don't want to ruin it): Brad Pitt plays a handsome dumb guy.

09/22/1995 - 01:39
Shakespeare in Love 0

"This is a wonderful film about how Shakespeare might have come to have written 'Romeo and Juliet'... and by the way, Gwyneth Paltrow appears bare-ass naked."

01/08/1999 - 01:23
Shine 0

Thanks for wasting the first ten minutes with stuff you were going to show me again anyway, you bastard.

11/20/1996 - 21:39
Shrek 0

If you're bringing an infant into the theater, you're too dumb to be having children in the first place.

05/18/2001 - 21:31
Six Feet Under: The First Season 1

"Dysfunction Junction."

09/06/2002 - 23:43
Slam 0

Unfortunately, in real life, Ray would pay for his prison poetry-boy act by spending spend the rest of his life wearing Depends undergarments and avoiding bar stools any smaller than six inches in radius.

10/07/1998 - 23:30
Sleeping Beauty 1

There's some interesting symbolism in this film. For whatever reason, Aurora is laid to her long sleep holding a flower. It appears to be Prince Phillip's job to come and relieve her of that flower.

09/06/1995 - 23:25
Snow Falling on Cedars 0

Much of the story is "internalized," which is filmspeak for "slow, boring, and not much happens."

01/07/1999 - 23:02

The ascension of "Spawn" to the big screen is less of a cinematicevent than the poorest excuse outside of an "X-Men" convention to get a lot of comic-book dweebs in a central location.

08/01/1997 - 01:54
Star Trek51

By now, most of the first generation of Trekkies are firmly ensconced in either nursing homes or cubicle-based jobs where their threat to humanity has largely been contained.

05/09/2009 - 05:07
Star Wars6

Writer/director George Lucas wants me to root for the Rebel Alliance to defeat the evil Galactic Empire, but how can I?

05/19/1995 - 21:51
Surviving Christmas0

My only complaint was when, a bit before the end, the movie stopped and switched over to the last 10 minutes of "Friday Night Lights" because, as the manager told me, "Surviving Christmas" had "gone to video" -- right as I was watching it! It was a beautiful moment, like watching a baby puppy being born.

10/22/2004 - 22:04
Swimming With Shaks0

Two things seem unusual about this movie. The first is that director George Huang ever got it made.

03/21/1994 - 21:46
Take Me Home Tonight1

How do you know when your movie sucks? How about when it takes four years to get it released. Or maybe when the male lead is an anorexic Topher Grace, and his best friend is played by that fat dude from "Balls of Fury."

03/21/2011 - 06:34

Those crafty bastards figured out a way to sell a Jason Statham movie to another actor.

01/30/2009 - 21:08
Taxi Driver2

Robert De Niro drives around in his taxi. Mr. Cranky drifts off to sleep.

02/08/1976 - 02:41
Thank You For Smoking0

The whole movie has that sense that it was made by somebody inside this club who's pretending to stand outside of it for just a moment to cash in.

04/14/2005 - 03:06
The A-Team14

It’s hard to argue that there is a single film out there that couldn’t have been made that much more awesome with the addition of Mr. T. Flash forward to 2010 and they’ve ELIMINATED Mr. T. from the very franchise that made him famous.

06/19/2010 - 12:24
The Aviator0

"The Aviator" is a lot like The Spruce Goose: long, bulky and barely able to get off the ground.

12/25/2004 - 15:37
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe 2

My favorite part was this: Father Christmas (James Cosmo) rides up on his sleigh, gives the kids a long speech about hope or some such thing, and then begins handing out the weapons.

12/09/2006 - 22:22