Three Bomb Mr. Cranky Movie Reviews

Moviesort iconCommentsBlurbCreated
Fools Rush In0

I think it says something about Matthew Perry's viability as a romantic lead when groups of quadriplegic cub scouts sit around arguing about which one of them could kick his ass faster.

02/14/1997 - 16:04
For Love of the Game 3

This is because the game is slower than Monica Lewinsky on Celebrity Jeopardy.

09/17/1999 - 16:10
Forget Paris 0

Forgot it.

05/19/1995 - 16:07
Four Brothers0

Quite often, a film I'm watching will be undone by only a couple of scenes which send it spiraling into the flushing vortex of forgettable, incompetent and utterly offensive filmmaking.

08/12/2005 - 16:18
Freaky Friday0

If the return of the adult/child body-switching movie isn't a sign of the Apocalypse, what is exactly?

08/06/2003 - 16:22

It's about as subtle as being shot in the face by the Vice President.

02/17/2006 - 16:37

By even seeing this movie, you are a puppet for the atheists.

04/28/2000 - 16:38
Fright Night0

This film should have been called "Disco Dracula."

08/26/1998 - 16:43
From Dusk Till Dawn0

Together, Tarantino and Clooney shoot almost every other person in the film.

01/19/1996 - 16:49
Full Frontal0

Memo to Steven: Nobody cares. You're all just basically whores.

09/20/2002 - 16:51
Fur: An Imaginary Portrait of Diane Arbus0

Shed your brain and you might enjoy "Fur."

10/20/2006 - 16:57
G.I. Jane 0

An hour or two of C-SPAN would have been preferable to this contravesty.

08/27/1997 - 19:20
Garden State0

There's nothing new about "Garden State," and films consisting of pretty much the same message have been produced over and over again like failed sitcoms since the popularization of independent cinema.

09/22/2004 - 23:59
Get Carter0

Have you ever heard of a thing called "plot"?

10/06/2000 - 01:32
Get on the Bus 0

It's "Speed" without the speed.

10/16/1996 - 01:34
Get Over It0

Apparently any writer who's even considering a teen film these days is rifling the pockets of Shakespeare's corpse for a plot.

03/09/2001 - 01:37
Ghosts of Girlfriends Past4

Unsurprisingly, “Ghosts of Girlfriends Past” doesn’t deviate from the standard McConaughey playbook.

05/30/2009 - 18:03
Ghosts of Mississippi 0

Directors must love this genre, because they need only plop the story into the "legal thriller" template like a big old turd. Splat! There you go: movie.

12/20/1996 - 19:09
Girl With a Pearl Earring 0

Anyone associated with this movie ever hear of Rembrandt? Michelangelo? Picasso? For Christ's sake, Vermeer isn't even on the list of "Top 100 Painters I'd Watch a Movie About."

01/09/2004 - 20:26
Girl, Interrupted 0

Are you done imagining? Good. You can wash the honey and fire ants off your scrotum now.

01/14/2000 - 20:24