Three Bomb Mr. Cranky Movie Reviews
"Happy Gilmore" turns out to be yet another movie based on the faulty premise that people from Saturday Night Live are funny.
|02/16/1996 - 03:18|
Excluding human/barnyard animal relationships, there appears to be no sex in Happy, which makes you wonder how it could be happy.
|12/03/1999 - 16:10|
Obviously, this movie is no more than an excuse to put an absurd amount of water in a confined space and then see what neat cinematic tricks can be done.
|01/16/1998 - 16:17|
|Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets||0|
I think they should reject the idea of doing the third installment of this series as "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban" and go for either "Harry Potter and the First Pubic Hair" or "Harry Potter and the Mystery of the Training Bra."
|11/15/2002 - 16:29|
|Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows: Part 1||2|
Let me tell you diehard fans what it is like to step into the Harry Potter franchise 25 years after the first movie: it's like walking into a furry convention wearing a Speedo. You don't belong there.
|12/05/2010 - 09:53|
|Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone||0|
People like (director) Christopher Columbus don't have the slightest idea what compels people to love something. All they understand is how to sell something.
|11/16/2001 - 16:37|
"Harsh Times" tries to be about three different things and doesn't focus in on its real message until too late in the film when most people in the audience have already begun text messaging their friends to come save them.
|11/10/2006 - 16:39|
|He's Just Not That Into You||5|
If you want the added bonus of watching actors past their physical prime visibly age in front of your eyes, then by all means catch this flick.
|03/26/2009 - 13:11|
If any attention were paid to Love Hewitt's acting, the audience would be experiencing seizures that would cause all kinds of insurance problems for the theaters.
|03/23/2001 - 16:54|
Pacino's preferred method of acting is to scream like an imbecile.
|12/15/1995 - 16:59|
This is one of those frustratingly small movies, meaning that its theatrical origins don't translate well onto the big screen and its seemingly grand themes and minor characters can't escape the small stage where the story should have stayed.
|12/08/2005 - 17:09|
As Mamet piles one twist on top of another, "Heist" begins to fold in on itself.
|11/09/2001 - 17:10|
I think when writers get lazy and can't think up good villains, they just fall back on the Nazis like lapsed alcoholics downing shots.
|04/02/2004 - 17:12|
|Hey Arnold! The Movie||0|
What I didn't know about Arnold is that he's a flaming Marxist and his neighborhood is full of Commies.
|06/28/2002 - 17:23|
I would have titled this film "Aragorn Mounts Seabiscuit."
|03/05/2004 - 17:24|
Look hard and you'll see the glimmer from effete intellectuals' widened eyes reflecting throughout the darkened theater like laser light in a house of mirrors.
|06/12/1998 - 17:27|
Apparently, Morgan Freeman is about the only person still willing to work with Ashley Judd.
|04/05/2002 - 19:52|
|High Heels and Low Lifes||0|
Now, normally I wouldn't recommend threatening people, but in this case, it just seemed really cute.
|07/20/2001 - 19:54|
Sword fight? Queen song. Making love to his woman? Queen song. Indigestion? Queen song.
|08/29/1996 - 19:59|
God it must suck to be Will Smith and Eva Mendes. I felt so awful for them.
|02/11/2005 - 20:07|