Three Bomb Mr. Cranky Movie Reviews
I suggest paying for half a ticket, leaving after 50 minutes and imagining a decent ending.
|04/25/2003 - 02:59|
|If Lucy Fell||0|
The men in the audience whose heads didn't explode got into a really ugly Raisinets fight.
|03/08/1996 - 03:22|
Whenever a film is incredibly dull, film critics who enjoy dull things start writing using phrases like "slice of life" and "mise-en-scene" as if the very use of those phrases somehow negated the fact that my ass fell asleep while I watched the film.
|09/12/2000 - 21:37|
Show me an actor who can wipe his own ass, and I'll show you an actor who thinks he has something to teach the world.
|04/28/1999 - 03:27|
I hate any film hamstrung by a dearth of possible story resolutions.
|08/30/2001 - 03:08|
|In & Out||0|
While most films are insulting to those of reasonable intelligence,it's a rare bird that actually goes so far as to compel the entire lowest common denominator to stare at each other and wonder simultaneously whether the screenwriter might have been mildly retarded.
|09/19/1997 - 20:36|
How director Neil Jordan got roped intomaking this film is anybody's guess, but it probably had something to do with truckloads loads of cash supplied by DreamWorks, which has produced so many bad movies in its short history that the plans for "E.T. 2: Eliot, The Frat Party Years" may yet be rescued from the scrap heap.
|01/15/1999 - 20:42|
|In Love and War||0|
Director Richard Attenborough treats us to "English Patient Lite." It has half the calories of the regular "English Patient" -- and is even less nourishing.
|01/24/1997 - 20:45|
|In the Cut||1|
That's right: Meg Ryan is naked, which is pretty much all this film has to offer. It's like visiting the Pavilion of the Future at the Los Angeles plastic surgery expo.
|10/31/2003 - 21:10|
|Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom||0|
Just look at the opening scene. Kate Capshaw, singing "Anything Goes," dances out of a toothsome red opening. This is the vagina dentata.
|08/30/1999 - 21:28|
It was beautiful. It brought moisture to my loins.
|06/04/1999 - 21:43|
Sadly, we live in an age where the line between fiction and fact is nearly meaningless and that's what this film represents more than anything.
|08/25/2006 - 21:57|
I'm all but incapable of evaluating this movie since I spent the entire time battling an overwhelming sense of déjà vu.
|01/18/2002 - 22:00|
|Iron Man 2||2|
Given that the theme of Iron Man 2 seemed to be two or three of everything, then I can only imagine that in Iron Man 3 everyone on the planet will be given their own Iron Man suit and invited to some kind of infinite Royal Rumble where the last steel-coated cutout standing will have to then fight Johnny Five in a steel cage.
|05/29/2010 - 18:34|
|Isn't She Great||0|
And if he isn't gay, he's criminally jolly, which is certainly cause for legitimate suspicion.
|01/28/2000 - 22:14|
"Jack" . . . is one of those films that's so "feel good" you actually have to pull the director's hand out of your pants when it's over.
|08/09/1996 - 05:57|
And about that 3D bullshit – what the fuck is that all about? I had to sit there for two hours with some cheapo glasses on my face that probably had more lead in them than a New Jersey public water supply so that I could see someone's four-inch cock pop-fly a ping pong ball? No thanks, America!
|10/23/2010 - 17:26|
This film does for the n-word what "Scarface" did for the f-word.
|12/25/1997 - 06:07|
If the Marines have changed the chain of command to include a "debate zone" between commanding officers and their soldiers, it's news to me and probably news to most Marines.
|11/04/2005 - 16:36|
Personally, I prefer the tales about the importance of Jesus where the reward for good works is a new Ferrari.
|07/21/2000 - 16:48|