Three Bomb Mr. Cranky Movie Reviews
Illeana (Jolie) gets called to Montreal to consult on a string of gruesome murders that sing "serial killer" louder than Jeffrey Dahmer in a piano bar.
|03/19/2004 - 02:54|
Jane not only has that seductive British accent, but those traditional Disney 36-12-24 measurements kick some serious chimp ass.
|06/18/1999 - 02:47|
|Tea With Mussolini||0|
The scariest thing in this movie, to be frank, is Cher, who looks like she arrived on the set fresh from a fight with Mary Kay.
|05/14/1999 - 02:38|
|Tears of the Sun||0|
This is another one of those films where the primary objective of the film is to convey that it's really a wonderful thing when the white people save the black people from themselves.
|03/07/2003 - 02:34|
|Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines||0|
Tell the average dopey guy that the T-X is an unrelenting killing machine with no compassion and no morals and he'll ask but one thing: "How do I get her to like me?"
|07/02/2003 - 02:28|
|Texas Chainsaw Massacre||0|
The precedent set by "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" is by now infamous: A group of youths walk into a mysterious situation and then get slaughtered like rabbits at a hillbilly barbecue.
|10/01/1974 - 03:11|
|The 6th Day||0|
Would cloning human beings be such a bad thing? Ironically, this film presents one of the few situations where it clearly is, and that's when Arnold Schwarzenegger is put in a position to act opposite himself.
|11/17/2000 - 20:00|
|The Adventures of Joe Dirt||0|
I have no respect for anybody whose head I could urinate over.
|04/11/2001 - 13:59|
|The Adventures of Pinocchio||2|
"Wouldn't it be great if we could use all our technology andspecial effects and suck the joy right out of everyone's favorite classic?"
|07/26/1996 - 13:42|
|The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle||0|
Parents and children are having such a generational disconnect that Hollywood is resorting to increasingly absurd ways to get them both in the theater at the same time.
|06/30/2000 - 14:13|
|The Amityville Horror||0|
It's not like the house has legs, which is why the whole premise of this film (and its 1979 original) is so stupid. If things get really bad, here's some simple advice: JUST RUN AWAY.
|04/15/2005 - 20:52|
How many of Lorne's untalented orphans is Hollywood expected to adopt?
|06/01/2001 - 21:35|
Who the hell do these people think they're trying to kid?
|10/25/1996 - 14:59|
|The Banger Sisters||0|
It ranks right up there with watching pets die.
|09/20/2002 - 21:25|
|The Battle of Shaker Heights||0|
This is the second Project Greenlight movie and so far the geniuses behind the idea -- Ben Affleck, Matt Damon and Chris Moore -- have proven precisely what is wrong with Hollywood.
|08/15/2003 - 21:52|
This is one of those films that makes you wish you could run up to the director, smack him across the face (preferably with a piece of pipe), and ask him, "What the hell were you thinking?"
|02/11/2000 - 07:29|
|The Beautician and the Beast||0|
Fran Drescher's rise to fame is quite a miracle. Aside from just being your typical annoying New Yorker, she has a laugh that sounds like somebody is ice-climbing up the back of a baboon.
|02/07/1997 - 07:32|
|The Big Bounce||0|
The movie thinks its big question is: "Who's scamming whom?" After 90 minutes of watching actors vamp for cameos like peacocks parading during mating season, this scam's victim is clear: the audience.
|01/30/2004 - 15:54|
|The Big Kahuna||0|
This so-called movie only has three characters and it takes place primarily in one room. Personally, I call that a play.
|04/28/2000 - 15:59|
|The Big Lebowski||0|
This film is about nothing, amounts to it, and is less interesting than.
|03/06/1998 - 16:00|