Three Bomb Mr. Cranky Movie Reviews
|The Bone Collector||0|
Oh, how I longed to be that finger. God only knows where that damn thing has been.
|11/05/1999 - 20:51|
|The Bourne Identity||0|
Li'l Matt is supposed to be some kind of super spy?
|06/14/2002 - 21:24|
|The Bourne Supremacy||0|
What business does director Paul Greengrass -- whose resumé includes a few lame movies, a lot of bad television and virtually no experience with action -- have trying to demonstrate his flair for jump-cutting and camera-jostling?
|07/23/2004 - 21:26|
They worship God; they shoot each other. What the Irish need isn't a movie about a boxer -- they need a crucifix that doubles as a pistol.
|12/31/1997 - 21:31|
|The Boys From Brazil||0|
This might be like WCW at the old folks' home, but its hardly the payoff we're hoping for after sitting through this glacial "thriller."
|08/19/2001 - 21:38|
|The Bridges of Madison County||0|
The book sucks, the perfumes based on the book suck, the album of songs penned by the author meant to accompany the book (yes, there is one) really, really sucks, the t-shirts suck, the calendars suck, the coffeetable book sucks and all the zillion other "Bridges of Madison County" merchandising tie-in products suck. Guess how the movie turned out.
|06/02/1995 - 22:26|
This is another one of those "talking" movies that's impossible to remember because it features nothing more than people sitting around yakking for two hours like they're killing time on the Oxygen network.
|03/21/2001 - 23:08|
|The Brothers Grimm||0|
Terry Gilliam movies almost always require another viewing and it's not because they're any good.
|08/26/2005 - 23:10|
|The Cable Guy||0|
Is Ben Stiller the director? Or is he Jim Carrey's personal ass-kisser?
|06/14/1996 - 16:44|
|The Cars That Ate Paris||1|
There's, of course, Paris, France. Film buffs also know that there's a Paris, Texas. Maybe fans of obscure Australian cinema knew about Paris, Australia. I didn't. Do Australians even know about Paris, Australia?
|08/20/1999 - 17:14|
The real world is filled with enough idiots. I don't need my cinematic worlds filled with them too.
|05/07/1999 - 17:43|
|The Cat in the Hat||5|
This Cat's like a fart from which we all sit downwind. He's a bit of Buddy Hackett, and a lot of Paul Lynde.
|11/21/2003 - 17:44|
Naturally, our friends in the special effects department are quick to showcase their greatest talent: pissing digital effects all over the story.
|08/18/2000 - 21:08|
What the hell does Chris O'Donnell know about life, anyway?
|10/11/1996 - 21:23|
It's nothing but talking from beginning to end.
|10/13/2000 - 20:03|
Once again, the filmmakers perpetuate the myth that hot chicks like Maria Bello are just waiting around for old, schlubby guys like William H. Macy with good hearts.
|02/27/2004 - 20:21|
The end is that of a typical Hollywood catastrophe film as the characters are offed according to their level of star power and sexual chemistry.
|03/28/2003 - 20:24|
|The Country Bears||0|
I was very seriously debating with myself about whether to see this film or have my testicles ripped off for eight dollars by a wino with a rusty fork. Unfortunately, I chose the former.
|07/26/2002 - 20:29|
"The Covenant" is directed by Renny Harlin, who used to be married to Geena Davis, directed "Cutthroat Island," and whose films all seem to resemble music videos that are about 10 years out of date.
|09/08/2006 - 20:34|
|The Crow: City of Angels||0|
Wherever there's money to be made, you can bet the farm that there's a producer nearby, eager to exploit a stale idea and a dead star in the almighty quest for a quick buck.
|08/30/1996 - 21:03|