Three Bomb Mr. Cranky Movie Reviews

Moviesort iconCommentsBlurbCreated
The Funeral0

It's pretty obvious that whatever self-help tapes (director Abel) Ferrara sent away for haven't exactly cured him

11/01/1996 - 16:55
The Game0

The premise alone is enough to sink this atrocious film: Men with guns shooting at rich investment bankers is not my idea of a frightening thriller, it's my dream of a beautiful world.

09/12/1997 - 23:42
The General's Daughter 0

West, apparently, has no intention of neglecting that small but cuddly market share of rapists and necrophiliacs.

06/18/1999 - 00:13
The Ghost and the Darkness 0

Here's my question: Was the idea of Val Kilmer being mangled and eaten by a lion supposed to scare me?

10/11/1996 - 01:43
The Glass House0

When you have a bad story from the get-go, there's a simple way to solve the problem of the characters' unforgiving march through utterly obvious situations.

09/14/2001 - 20:32
The Glimmer Man0

Pain, tenderness, sadness; Seagal wouldn't know an emotion if it came up to him and chewed off a testicle.

10/04/1996 - 20:33
The Good Girl0

It's not exactly a revelation to anyone that Texas is filled with morons.

08/25/2002 - 21:34
The Governess 0

The film wastes no time in its vain attempt to scrub the lime buildup off the shower stall of deep religious meaning.

07/31/1998 - 21:52
The Great Raid0

At the end of this film, some guy in the theater got up and screamed "God Bless America!" Personally, I find it hard to believe that God blessed America because he made it possible for Benjamin Bratt to star in this movie.

08/12/2005 - 22:05
The Green Hornet3

Are there any bright spots to "The Green Hornet"? In a word, no.

02/01/2011 - 05:38
The Grudge 2 0

"The Grudge 2" has an 8% Tomatometer rating on Rotten Tomatoes. If it wasn't already abundantly clear to everyone who reads movie reviews that you should trust a film critic about as far as you could toss his stack of hidden junk food, this all but seals it.

10/13/2006 - 22:12
The Guardian 0

"The Guardian" is "An Officer and a Gentleman" meets "Waterworld."

09/29/2006 - 22:13
The Haunted Mansion0

You really know your life is in the shitter when you start looking forward to movies based on amusement park rides. Can you imagine what's going to happen when Disney finally does "It's a Small World: The Movie"?

11/26/2003 - 16:44
The Holiday0

I have never liked director Nancy Meyers. Her films reek of the kind of careless attitude one might associate with a rich person driving their Mercedes at a high rate of speed while talking on their cell phone.

12/08/2006 - 20:13
The Hot Chick0

Harvard graduate Tom Brady directs this film, which is likely to cause alumni everywhere to send back their diplomas after seeing it.

12/13/2002 - 20:43
The House Bunny0

"The House Bunny" should be a festival of T&A.

12/30/2008 - 14:06
The Human Stain0

In the opening scene of this movie, Nicole Kidman's head is resting contently in Anthony Hopkins's arms and I just knew right there how much I would love this film, love it with all my heart, like a kitten loves a warm pillow.

10/29/2003 - 21:09
The Hunchback of Notre Dame 0

It's not the appearance of Quasimodo that's so alarming. It's the smell.

06/21/1996 - 21:10
The Hunted0

It's actually quite ridiculous to watch Tommy Lee Jones running after Del Toro, followed by a fleet of FBI agents.

03/14/2003 - 21:13
The Ides of March2

"The Ides of March" is sort of like the "Star Wars: Attack of the Clones" of the boring dudes in suits genre. You get a trailer that makes you think it's all going to be light saber battles and spaceships but in the end it's a bunch of guys sitting in a room talking about the most tedious aspects of government policy.

10/22/2011 - 09:00