Three Bomb Mr. Cranky Movie Reviews

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The Patriot0

Director Roland Emmerich and producer Dean Devlin are making movies with the same melodrama one finds in professional wrestling.

06/28/2000 - 19:31
The Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl 2

The film is based upon the ride preferred by all the loser kids who pee their pants on Space Mountain. Then again, just about any ride is a reprieve from being groped by a full-grown man in a Goofy outfit, so who can blame them?

07/09/2003 - 20:28
The Pledge0

Is that enough warning? Do you get it?

01/19/2001 - 20:40
The Polar Express 0

Each child looks like lightning is about to shoot out of his or her empty, unholy eyes.

11/10/2004 - 21:26
The Postman1

What moron posits a film where a postman becomes the hero in a post-apocalyptic America? Answer: Kevin Costner.

12/25/1997 - 21:38
The Preacher's Wife 0

(Director Penny) Marshall, like an infant on her fifth or sixth Tootsie pop, has developed a stubborn addiction to sugary feel-good themes.

12/13/1996 - 21:47
The Prestige0

I just love magic so, so much, and the chance to see another movie about magic in the span of only a couple of months nearly made me weep with joy.

10/20/2006 - 21:50
The Prince and Me 0

It's a yawnfest from beginning to end, one of those movies made for hopeful female teenagers who have yet to have their dreams ravaged by the realities of life.

04/02/2004 - 16:50
The Princess and the Warrior 0

This film goes on forever, because Tykwer can't focus.

04/27/2001 - 16:53
The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement 0

The young girls inspired by Marshall's 1990 masterwork "Pretty Woman" are likely now on the downside of their whoring careers and just beginning to pick up the pieces of their shattered lives.

08/11/2004 - 16:57
The Punisher 0

His only apparent gift is that he's hard to kill. Given trends in today's movies, being hard to kill is about as original as being a straight-laced cop and getting a wacko for a partner.

04/16/2004 - 18:14
The Rainmaker 0

Actually, more than anything, what really ruined this film was another pathetic performance by Jon Voight, who, given his recent roles in "Anaconda," "U-Turn," and "Most Wanted," is the acting analogy to a proctologist who's constantly sticking his fingers down his patients' throats.

11/21/1997 - 22:49
The Recruit0

What's the most tedious thing on Earth? A director with a subject he doesn't understand.

01/31/2003 - 04:04
The Replacement Killers 0

The story is about as complex as the directions on a can of soup: Open can. Pour in gangsters. Heat.

02/06/1998 - 04:38
The Replacements 0

Um, do you think he'll score the winning touchdown in a really important game?

08/11/2000 - 04:41
The Rich Man's Wife0

"The Rich Man's Wife" amounts to a cross between a blatant rip-off of "The Usual Suspects" and the"it was all a dream" episode of "Dallas."

09/13/1996 - 20:08
The Road to Eldorado 0

Is animation where over-the-hill pop stars go to revive their careers or just to remind young people they actually once had them?

03/31/2000 - 20:29
The Rocky Horror Picture Show 1

It's provided every freak this side of Barnum & Bailey a place to go on Friday and Saturday nights at midnight.

09/14/2001 - 20:42
The Rookie 0

This movie's theme is "it's never too late to follow your dreams," which is a colossal lie.

03/29/2002 - 20:54
The Royal Tenenbaums 0

A collage of cunning eccentricities does not a character make.

12/14/2001 - 21:01