Three Bomb Mr. Cranky Movie Reviews
|The Mask of Zorro||0|
Every time something significant happens in the movie that does not take place during the course of an action scene, some asshole strums a guitar.
|07/17/1998 - 21:13|
This movie has been getting way too much good press. I mean, c'mon.
|01/27/2006 - 21:22|
|The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc||6|
If the French actually wore that goofy crap, they deserved to be occupied and tortured by the British.
|11/12/1999 - 05:33|
Jerry is so whipped he'd make good topping for Jello.
|03/02/2001 - 05:39|
As you know, whites are better at everything. They're better Samurai warriors than actual Samurai warriors and they're better Native Americans than actual Native Americans.
|11/26/2003 - 23:26|
|The Mod Squad||0|
These three actors couldn't appear less criminal if they put on purple dinosaur heads and started singing songs.
|03/26/1999 - 23:28|
Did Albert Brooks ever have an edge?
|08/27/1999 - 21:00|
|The Music Man||0|
"The Music Man" has a number of familiar songs that many folks will instantly recognize: "76 Trombones," "Trouble in River City," "Slip that Flute in My Trumpet," "Tromboner," and um, lots of other tunes that I can whistle but whose titles I can't quite recall.
|02/16/2003 - 21:03|
Sandra Bullock is not naked in this film, which makes it a source of constant agitation.
|09/09/1996 - 22:36|
|The New Guy||0|
The Eliza Dushkus of the world simply do not sleep with the DJ Qualls of the world during high school. Oh, sure, maybe they'll be willing 15 years down the road, after their car stereo-salesman husbands have left them with four kids and boobs like gym socks full of tapioca, but not during high school.
|05/10/2002 - 22:42|
|The New World||0|
The only thing longer than the period between two Terrence Malick films is the perceived time spent watching one.
|01/20/2006 - 22:51|
|The Newton Boys||0|
Having made the cult hit "Slackers" and the indescribably boring"Suburbia," Linklater has loaded up with every fresh-faced actor on the planet in an effort to get a front page spread in "GQ."
|03/27/1998 - 22:56|
|The Night Porter||0|
Life is pain. Oh, that's so original.
|01/05/2006 - 15:25|
The resolution of this story and every plot device in it crests the horizon like a flying cow.
|06/25/2004 - 16:42|
"The Omen" was written by David Seltzer, the man responsible for writing "Shining Through," one of the worst films of all time.
|06/06/2006 - 20:15|
It's the sort of writing one might expect from an elementary school play, not a feature film.
|11/02/2001 - 20:33|
|The Other Guys||5|
Even worse was the decision to have Keaton spew forth references to TLC lyrics and then pretend he didn’t know what anyone else was talking about when he was called on it. Yeah, you read that right. It’s like they purposely tried to make this movie seem dated the second it was released.
|08/27/2010 - 01:41|
People this dumb deserve much worse; let's watch them take a walk on the wild side.
|04/02/1999 - 23:32|
|The Parent Trap||0|
This is the kind of Disney film that is downright dangerous.
|07/29/1998 - 19:10|
|The Passion of the Christ||0|
The story is kind of predictable. Resurrection is only really cool when it's unexpected.
|02/25/2004 - 19:23|