Three Bomb Mr. Cranky Movie Reviews

Nothing illuminates the stories of the Bible quite like a talking duck.

Hollywood executives didn't want to alienate people who feel that biology gives them the right to destroy families years after they've abandoned their children to pursue a life spent chasing cash, tail and crack.

Frankly, I suspect that Egoyan has met some hot babe and is trying to get laid by exposing his feminist side.

Most people aren't even aware that this is a Farrelly brothers movie. This is because "Stuck on You" sucked so bad that the Farrelly name turned from an asset into a liability and studio executives will now only admit the brothers' association with a film when questioned directly under oath.

Director James Wong basically expands the "who's in the closet" gimmick to the "what object is going to come out of nowhere and splatter that teenager's face all over the place" gimmick.

I figure you can get away with that sugar-coated crap once, but to do it twice and feel proud suggests that Gus Van Sant has read one too many of Oprah's book club selections.

Instead of doing a normal bank robbery, Bill Cox (Paul Bettany) kidnaps Jack Stanfield's (Harrison Ford) family and forces Stanfield to transfer twenty million into some account somewhere, presumably to pay off the referees in Super Bowl XL.

The great story hidden in this mess is about how veterans are haunted by their experiences. This movie misses that boat. Instead, it's like some mediocre after-school special.

I'm all for female equality, but with the releases of airplane thrillers "Red Eye" and "Flightplan" so close together, I'm starting to think that there's some kind of conspiracy to castrate both the male hero and the male villain and elevate the cerebral, anorexic woman to some kind of mythic status.

I think it says something about Matthew Perry's viability as a romantic lead when groups of quadriplegic cub scouts sit around arguing about which one of them could kick his ass faster.