Three Bomb Mr. Cranky Movie Reviews
|The Scorpion King||0|
If Russell held his urinating penis the same way he apparently holds a camera, hitting the toilet would be an afterthought.
|04/19/2002 - 01:49|
Unfortunately, Douglas doesn't really look like he runs that well anymore. It's that kind of run that looks like you're trying to avoid tearing anything.
|04/21/2006 - 01:22|
|The Seventh Seal||0|
How a medieval knight and his squire running around the countryside wondering about life and its meaning constitutes great filmmaking is beyond me. It's not that far from "Beavis and Butthead Do Sweden."
|09/12/1995 - 01:36|
|The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants||0|
Since I'm neither female nor 17, it's pretty much assured that the overly sentimental girly bonding thematics of this picture aren't going to play well in my brain. Estrogen isn't an option at the popcorn counter these days.
|06/01/2005 - 23:46|
|The Sixth Sense||0|
WARNING. This review contains SPOILERS. Reading it prior to seeing the film will destroy any possible enjoyment you could derive from the film. That's assuming, of course, that you don't already know that Bruce Willis is in it.
|08/06/1999 - 23:39|
|The Skeleton Key||0|
I sometimes marvel at how much of my job can be accomplished by simply listing filmmakers' resumes.
|08/12/2005 - 23:38|
Fans of some of the more amusing aspects of the mentally handicapped will be disappointed with the soloist.
|06/19/2009 - 14:15|
|The Sound of Music||0|
This movie actually has some sick and twisted stuff in it. First of all, Julie Andrews makes a pretty tasty nun.
|09/02/1995 - 02:04|
|The Spanish Prisoner||0|
It's like dialogue from the soap opera of the dead.
|04/03/1997 - 01:57|
|The Spitfire Grill||0|
Percy Talbott (Alison Elliott) comes to the town of Gilead after serving time for some unknown crime, which, of course, piques the curiosity of everyone because they're stereotypical, small-town hicks straight from central casting.
|08/23/1996 - 01:39|
|The Spongebob Squarepants Movie||0|
There's a reason such shows are only 22 minutes.
|11/19/2004 - 01:38|
It’s almost as though the script for this film was written by a faceless robot called The Violator while smoking cigars and penetrating Japanese schoolgirls with tentacles for some live-action manga / snuff flick.
|09/01/2010 - 10:34|
|The Tailor of Panama||0|
Bad movie ideas, like bad soup, rarely become more palatable when left out overnight.
|03/30/2001 - 02:57|
|The Tao of Steve||0|
I don't have the slightest clue what anybody found interesting about Dex. The guy looked like he was about to give birth to one of those ultra-large size detergent buckets.
|08/18/2000 - 02:48|
|The Texas Chainsaw Massacre||0|
Am I the only one for whom this is common sense? Fat guy + skin disease + any power tool = BAD!
|10/17/2003 - 03:10|
|The Thirteenth Warrior||0|
The film is a cross between "Dances with Wolves," "Braveheart" and two hours of television static.
|08/27/1999 - 02:37|
|The Thomas Crown Affair||0|
Accordingly, this "Thomas Crown Affair" is actually worse than its 1999 offspring.
|06/19/1970 - 03:00|
|The Time Machine||0|
It's been reported that director Simon Wells had to turn this film over to director Gore Verbinski for the last 18 days because Wells was suffering from "exhaustion." In Hollywood, "exhaustion" usually translates to "drug overdose," "emergency liposuction" or just plain simple "failure."
|03/08/2002 - 01:49|
|The Trigger Effect||0|
(Director David) Koepp has obviously been in Los Angeles too long because when his power goes out, he apparently runs down the street picking off neighbors with an Uzi.
|08/30/1996 - 20:46|
Jackie Chan and Jennifer Love Hewitt have all the sexual chemistry of Bert and Ernie.
|09/27/2002 - 20:22|