Two Bomb Mr. Cranky Movie Reviews

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By the time this movie is over, you'll be crazy too, or asleep.

04/09/2009 - 21:31
Possession 0

(Director Neil) LaBute's film may seem like a prissy English drama, but it's pretty obvious what's on his dirty mind.

08/16/2002 - 21:35

"Priest" is essentially "Alien 3" if it had been modeled after "West World" instead of set on a prison planet. We've got monks in robes with questionable facial tattoos and the inability to socialize with the opposite sex dueling with vampires that have been sent to the H.R.

05/29/2011 - 17:10
Princess Mononoke 0

The kind of adults who think animation is cool are the same people who've seen every episode of "Xena" and have license plates on their cars that say things like "BeemMeUp."

11/26/1999 - 16:58
Prisoner of the Mountains 0

Apparently, Russia does not lack for rocks.

01/31/1997 - 17:00
Pulp Fiction2

"Pulp Fiction" stands out less as the emergence of a great director than the emergence of a promising director who parlayed fame, fortune and opportunity into a really pathetic acting career.

09/13/1996 - 18:04

When there are two directors on a project . . . it's clear there's something seriously, seriously wrong.

06/28/2002 - 18:09
Quantum of Solace20

Given that this was the 22nd Bond film, it is no surprise that by now the franchise has finally run out of ideas.

11/30/2008 - 20:09
Rabbit-Proof Fence 0

This is the story of three girls walking 1200 miles across Australia. Time for a geography lesson: Australia is mostly flat and boring.

11/29/2002 - 22:29
Red Dragon0

Everybody just loves Anthony Hopkins as Hannibal Lecter and we need to get his mug onscreen before the last vestige of his youth disappears faster than a honey-baked ham in front of Anna Nicole Smith.

10/04/2002 - 04:10
Red Eye0

It seems like the filmmakers and director Wes Craven choose the setting of a flying plane just for the terrorist connections. A better idea would have been a terrorist who is actually scary.

08/19/2005 - 04:12
Requiem for a Dream 3

Aronofsky's movie illuminates an issue which any person with an I.Q. bigger than her shoe size already knows.

10/27/2000 - 19:46
Reservoir Dogs 0

This film does have a serious upside: Tarantino the actor doesn't survive the first ten minutes. Killing himself off may be the most accomplished thing Tarantino's ever done as a writer/director.

09/14/1999 - 19:49
Restoration 0

Just whose idea was it to spend fifty million dollars on a period piece about the plague years?

12/29/1995 - 19:55
Return of the Jedi 1

The filmmakers of this third installment of the Star Wars series ask themselves the most important question of all: "How do we cash in on this Muppet thing?"

09/14/1997 - 19:56
Richard III 0

Attention, ye stiff-necked, tea-drinkin' knaves! Thou art like moaning pew-fellows defaced by hellhounds fled forth from frosty frayed and freaked frenzies fripping on the fringes, forsooth!

12/29/1995 - 20:10
Ridicule 0

There it is, big as day, a penis on screen.

11/22/1996 - 20:14
Riding in Cars with Boys 0

Whenever I see Drew Barrymore on screen, I just want to cry with happiness.

10/19/2001 - 20:15
Rise of the Planet of the Apes2

It used to be you could walk down almost any alley in New York City and pay a carnie with one eye two shillings to watching a gorilla eat the scalp off of a homeless drifter's sweaty, tear-stained skull.  Now I can't even get virtual satisfaction from the fifteen bucks I spent to watch hyper-intelligent monkeys denying their true selves in the name of family entertainment. 

08/31/2011 - 22:48
Road to Perdition 0

They grow together. They discover how important family is. They kill some people.

07/12/2002 - 20:30