Two Bomb Mr. Cranky Movie Reviews

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The Adjustment Bureau2

I'm also going to spoil the movie for anyone unstable enough to actually buy a ticket for this monstrosity: it's all about God.

03/21/2011 - 06:46
The Apple Dumpling Gang0

To me, watching this movie is the equivalent of mainlining Prozac: a feeling so wonderful that you just want to run out into the street in your Winnie-the-Pooh pajamas and scream to the world: "Life is so Beautiful! Everybody be happy!"

08/15/2006 - 03:46
The Best Man0

"The Best Man" looks a whole lot like "The Wood" to me.

10/22/1999 - 15:35
The Bicycle Thief 0

Warning, spoiler: Antonio's bicycle is stolen.

08/18/2002 - 15:53
The Big One0

Moore has titled his film "The Big One" because penis metaphors andworking-class exploitation go together like Linda Tripp and warthog jokes.

04/10/1998 - 16:05
The Birdcage0

Apparently, the makers of "The Birdcage" were so convinced that their idea was "cute" that they dispensed with the luxury of a "plot."

03/08/2006 - 16:17
The Blair Witch Project 1

What's supposed to make the movie scary is that everybody starts arguing and screaming at the top of their lungs about which direction to walk. If that's scary, then so is raking your fingernails across a blackboard.

07/30/1999 - 16:43
The Break-Up0

There's stretching believability and then there's warping the universe.

06/02/2006 - 21:59
The Brothers McMullen 0

In a recent Irish screenwriting contest, over 95% of the entries involved Irish guys pontificating on their lives while drinking beer.

08/09/1995 - 23:13
The Butcher Boy0

During the course of the film, Francie starts seeing stuff,including alien heads on people and a Virgin Mary who talks to him. Shockingly, this Mary looks like Sinead O'Connor with hair and I seem to remember her using the word "fuck" at one point.

02/20/1998 - 23:33
The Butterfly Effect0

Those who enjoy something that gets to the point will have better luck watching a chess match between Andy Dick and Stephen Baldwin.

01/23/2004 - 23:35
The Caine Mutiny0

The whole episode on the ship where Capt. Queeg (Bogart) flips out during a storm and is relieved of duty by Lt. Maryk (Van Johnson) is just a thinly-veiled excuse to watch Lt. Keith evolve from a thumb-sucking momma's boy into a p-whipped future ass-kissing husband.

08/20/2000 - 16:47
The Caveman's Valentine 0

What are the demands on the director as storyteller? There aren't any.

09/20/2001 - 19:28
The Cider House Rules 0

The World According to Garp," "Simon Birch," and now this film, perhaps (John) Irving isn't considering one very important probability: His stories are major downers and nobody wants to watch them.

01/13/2000 - 22:25
The Company Men2

It's pretty arrogant to make a movie about a recent crisis that pretty much everyone in America lived through and expect audiences to somehow respond favorably. It's an even worse idea to frame that movie from the perspective of those who had a hand in bringing the entire disaster about.

03/21/2011 - 06:42
The Constant Gardener 0

I'm sure such things are cute storytelling techniques for little Brazilian films, but now that Meirelles has hit the big time, he needs to learn how it's done.

08/31/2005 - 19:57
The Corruptor0

Machine guns are perfect NRA propaganda:By some miracle you can fire wildly at people, scare them, but never actually hit them, and damage only property.

03/12/1999 - 20:27
The Count of Monte Cristo 0

Back then, a gorgeous, free-spirited model's only hope for happiness lay in evil, upper-class wankers.

01/25/2002 - 20:28
The Craft0

This movie was loud -- so loud in fact that the naturally irritating harmonics of the screechy teenage cackle was amplified into a chalkboard- scratching, ear- drum- shattering, cacophony of torture.

05/03/1996 - 20:42
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button5

Nothing more than a re-telling of Forest Gump minus the overachieving short bus rider.

01/05/2009 - 05:06