Two Bomb Mr. Cranky Movie Reviews

Moviesort iconCommentsBlurbCreated
The Hurricane 0

Hollywood's answer to this laissez-racist attitude is the patronizing Black Man in Prison film, nearly every one of which is resolved when some white do-gooder decides it's time to spring him.

01/14/2000 - 21:14
The Ice Storm0

I've had it with this limited-perspective crap. It's not like history just started in 1972, the Ten Commandments just came out in paperback and it's news to everyone that adultery is a "bad" thing.

09/27/1997 - 03:18
The Illusionist 0

It's the difference between pulling a rabbit out of a hat and pulling a rabbit out of your ass.

09/06/2006 - 20:29
The Imposters0

Stanley Tucci is bald. Oliver Platt is fat. When women look at them, nipples don't get hard and panties don't get moist. When men look at them, they think about cheese. So how in the hell do these two guys become leads in even a minor motion picture?

10/02/1998 - 03:10
The Insider0

Two hours and forty minutes is wasted on a story when everyone already knows the ending.

11/05/1999 - 21:35
The Iron Giant 0

Let's play Mad Libs!

08/06/1999 - 22:02
The Island of Dr. Moreau 0

An island full of half-animal, half-human beasts can only beg one question: "Where's Ron Perlman?"

08/23/1996 - 22:11
The Italian Job 0

Does anybody see the scary pattern here? I think this is all leading to the unthinkable.

05/30/2003 - 22:18
The Jacket0

I wish there was a way I could travel back in time and warn myself not to see this movie.

03/04/2005 - 06:05
The Kid0

It's pretty obvious that some amateur psychiatrist thought this whole story up so filmgoers would rush off to therapy to find ways to rediscover their inner child and make their lives better.

07/07/2000 - 21:29
The Kids Are All Right0

the book series featuring titles such as "A Daddy For Christmas" and "The Voluminous Widower" would take a pass on "The Kids Are All Right." And so should you.

09/14/2010 - 03:37
The Killing0

In fact, when George stands on his tippy toes, he's barely able to rest his head on the top of Sherry's breasts.

09/01/1998 - 21:42
The Ladykillers0

It's one thing when some two-bit director goes and remakes "Dawn of the Dead" or "Texas Chainsaw Massacre," but it's quite another when the critically anointed princes of cinema, Joel and Ethan Coen, decide that they're too lazy to write something original and dig through cinema history to unearth a film few people are likely to remember.

03/26/2004 - 01:50
The Last Supper1

Fly me out to Hollywood and I might be persuaded to take a couple of swings at director Stacy Title for serving up this overbearing liberal pap.

04/05/1996 - 14:32
The Legend of Drunken Master 0

Chan is so old these days that instead of making too many new movies, he rereleases old ones so everybody will have the impression that he doesn't age.

09/02/2000 - 15:13
The Legend of Zorro 0

I'd rent a burro and ride hundreds of miles to see "Zorro."

10/28/2005 - 15:15
The Lord of the Rings0

Geeks rejoice!

12/19/2001 - 20:41
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King 0

I spent the last 40 minutes of this thing wondering when in the hell it was going to stop. It fades to black more times than Ozzy Osbourne taking an I.Q. test.

12/17/2003 - 20:43
The Machinist 0

This is one of those films where it becomes clear that the main character is having some delusions, which gives the filmmakers free reign to just make some shit up.

11/11/2004 - 02:46
The Man in the Iron Mask 0

Wallace has seen the path to my heart and it definitely involves putting an iron mask on Leonardo DiCaprio and tossing him in a cell where nobody will find him. Little twerp.

03/13/1998 - 20:47