Two Bomb Mr. Cranky Movie Reviews
|The Man Who Wasn't There||0|
The reason film noir disappeared is that we invented color and realized anything in black and white sucked.
|10/26/2001 - 21:00|
This film about adolescent friendship (is)probably going to be best remembered as an answer to one of those SAT analogy questions: "'Antz' is to 'Simon Birch' as 'A Bug's Life' is to _______."
|10/09/1998 - 05:51|
|The Mothman Prophecies||0|
I find it rather sickening that whenever something happens that doesn't have a completely straightforward explanation, all the lobe monkeys gather and ascribe its cause to the supernatural.
|01/25/2002 - 02:12|
"The Mummy" is about as emotionally draining as sitting through a Charlton Heston "guns don't kill teenagers" NRA speech.
|05/07/1999 - 03:15|
|The Mummy Returns||0|
I'm perfectly aware that The Rock is super-popular with all those underdeveloped morons who like professional wrestling, but that's no reason to put him in a movie.
|05/04/2001 - 03:17|
This film couldn't have been more obvious had it been wrapped around a brick.
|07/29/1998 - 22:34|
|The Ninth Gate||0|
You become an agent for the devil, you live forever. Just look at Jesse Helms.
|03/10/2000 - 16:26|
|The Opposite of Sex||0|
Perhaps there's something wrong with Christina Ricci's breasts.
|05/22/1998 - 22:08|
|The Original Kings of Comedy||1|
How hard is it to make a stand-up comedy film, anyway?
|08/18/2000 - 22:54|
|The Osbournes: The First Season (Uncensored)||0|
I guess I'm supposed to think of the Osbournes as real people with real problems because they clean up an abnormally large amount of dog shit.
|09/10/2003 - 22:57|
|The Other Sister||0|
You'll find yourself wondering when in the sweet name of Jesus the film is going to end.
|02/26/1999 - 23:07|
It's been a tough week for Catholics.
|08/10/2001 - 23:18|
|The Parallax View||0|
This is a movie for all those wackos convinced that the Warren Commission was paid by the Mafia to cover up the fact that Lee Harvey Oswald was an extraterrestrial clearing the way for Elvis to meet Julie Nixon in a White House bathroom in order to conceive the Antichrist.
|09/12/1997 - 19:09|
Time takes a back seat to expediency as Devoe and Kelly hop around from continent to continent as though Scotty were up in the Enterprise beaming their molecules around.
|09/26/1997 - 19:39|
|The Perfect Storm||0|
Don't read the red sentence. Don't read any sentence. Click the back button and get out of here now.
|06/30/2000 - 19:52|
The Holocaust is the least of the pianists' worries. Every day is a trial for them.
|01/03/2003 - 20:13|
|The Pillow Book||0|
Greenaway employs some unusual techniques, most notably something that looks like a cinematic thesis titled "Picture-within-a-Picture Technology: The Enemy of Coherent Narrative."
|06/06/1997 - 20:21|
I guess it just goes to show that the more a society represses its primal urges, the more screwed up it is in its private moments.
|09/12/1997 - 21:30|
|The Prince of Egypt||0|
You can't tell me that talking locusts aren't perfect for this film. They could have sung and danced and made all sorts of jokes about devastating the crops.
|12/18/1998 - 21:57|
What good is an angel who needs a chauffeur to get around town?
|09/01/1995 - 17:57|