Two Bomb Mr. Cranky Movie Reviews
|The Third Miracle||0|
I don't know about the miracle, but I'm sure sleeping with Anne Heche would turn somebody to God real fast. This is dirty pool if you ask me.
|04/20/1999 - 02:43|
|The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada||0|
I don't know how religious Tommy Lee Jones is, but his parable of a man, a journey, and the power of forgiveness reeks of the level of smug righteousness that only a man like Pat Robertson could hope to match.
|02/03/2006 - 02:57|
|The Tigger Movie||5|
The whole thing plays out like the cheap seats at a NASCAR race.
|02/11/2000 - 21:43|
I have no idea what use rules are in movies, because any moron knows that within five minutes of any character barking off a list of rules, that person will promptly proceed to break them.
|10/11/2002 - 01:02|
|The Upside of Anger||0|
In pretty much every advertisement I've seen for this film, there's been some comment like the following: "Kevin Costner's best performance in years." Is it any wonder that the film would use a line like that?
|04/01/2005 - 19:20|
"The Warrior" won the award for "Best British Film" in 2004 at the British Academy Awards, which is some kind of bore-fest where snobbish Brits sit around and try to figure out which of their films has the most pronounced sense of repressed emotion.
|07/15/2001 - 23:51|
|The Warrior's Way||3|
Carnies versus ninjas versus cowboys. An idea which might have sounded good after a three-day bender, but one which ultimately falls short on delivery.
|01/09/2011 - 13:13|
There's a point where (Henry) Winkler pulls down his pants to show Bobby a Roy Orbison tattoo and director Frank Coraci is forced to use a butt-double of a realistically sized ass because, as we all know, you can spray-paint Winston Churchill's Iron Curtain speech across Winkler's ass in one continuous line and still have space for punctuation.
|11/06/1998 - 23:46|
|The Whole Nine Yards||0|
If you bottled Matthew Perry's talent and tried to sell it as cologne, it would smell like the innards of a rotting corpse and come in an eyedropper.
|02/18/2000 - 02:52|
|The Winter Guest||0|
It's simple: if a play was meant to be a film, it wouldn't have been a play in the first place.
|12/24/1997 - 23:18|
What exactly do they teach over there at Sundance, anyway? If "The Wood" is any indication, it's the cinematic equivalent of shop class.
|07/16/1999 - 23:03|
Let’s get this out of the way right at the beginning: Mickey Rourke is ugly.
|01/05/2009 - 04:55|
|The X-Files: Fight of the Future||0|
The ostensibly sheer scale and cruel efficiency of this global conspiracy belies the fact that it seems utterly incapable of crushing two powerless, fleshy agents like Scully and Mulder.
|06/19/1998 - 22:51|
|There's Something About Mary||0|
In "There's Something about Mary," the Farrelly Brothers fail to extend themselves much further, deviating from their obsession with male ejaculatory fluid only so far as to explore the obvious symbolism of a groin-attacking dog, a penis-meets-zipper accident, and, of course, Mary herself (the presumed "ejaculatee").
|07/15/1998 - 02:56|
This movie doesn't work as a drama. It should have been made as a cartoon because Kevin Costner does one hell of an Elmer Fudd.
|01/12/2000 - 02:42|
I mean, what exactly is the objective here? To beat a subject so thoroughly into the ground that people begin hurling themselves onto the electrified third rails of subways to escape the sheer monotony?
|05/28/1999 - 02:40|
Thor is really just like your dad out in the garage after a few drinks. Only more racist.
|05/14/2011 - 17:37|
This film looks like it was shot by my grandmother.
|10/01/1999 - 02:56|
|Throne of Blood||0|
Somebody needs to be losing his job over this.
|11/22/1970 - 02:52|
Obviously, Cameron was going to sink or swim with this project, but couldn't he have subsumed his world-class ego for one second and given the writing assignment to somebody with an imagination?
|12/19/1997 - 01:43|