Two Bomb Mr. Cranky Movie Reviews

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Valkyrie is the most elaborate and expensive anti-smoking public-service announcement ever to be made – and it’s all thanks to the health consciousness of Der Fuhrer.

12/31/2008 - 20:32
Veronica Guerin0

I'm guessing that this film's ending was actually forced on Bruckheimer by director Joel Schumacher and that we'll see a whole slew of "alternate" endings on the DVD. Here's a preview.

10/17/2003 - 04:25

This film moves about as fast as Stewart talks.

07/21/1970 - 04:22
Very Little Time0

This particular rating belongs strictly to its own class of film, which is the "hi, I made this movie in my backyard with my digital camera for no money and please review it, Mr. Cranky, please."

08/24/2000 - 04:17

"Save my dog!"

04/25/1997 - 04:09
Waking Ned Devine0

In order to make this film more than an hour long, there are two small subplots involving a pig farmer and the woman he wants to marry, and a young boy and a priest. To the film's credit, the second subplot does not involve a game of "Find Jesus in My Pants."

11/20/1998 - 03:59
Walk the Line1

For me, the entertainment value of country music ranks right up there with accidentally sticking my hand in a hornet's nest and having a knitting needle plunged through one of my testicles. Simultaneously.

11/18/2005 - 00:07
Walking and Talking0

"Give me an A! Give mean N! Give me a G, S, T! What does that spell? ANGST! ANGST! Yay!"

07/17/1996 - 00:01
Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps2

Heavy-handed sermons regarding the idea that no one on Wall Street produces anything of value, that ideas are as worthless as dirt and that an honest day's work trumps pretty much any other career choice. In essence, it's like your grandfather screaming at you during Thanksgiving dinner, only instead of the incontinence and suspenders we get smug self-righteousness from a director who…pretty much has never worked an honest day in his life.

10/01/2010 - 22:01
Wallace & Gromit in The Curse of the Were-Rabbit0

I don't like clay.

10/07/2005 - 23:57
War of the Worlds0

It goes something like, "Wow, here come the aliens. You never expressed your love, Dad!" It's that awkward.

06/29/2005 - 23:55
We Were Soldiers1

I wonder how many of these idiot commanders who walked around the combat zone like Robert Duvall in "Apocalypse Now" ended up with their brains splattered across the battlefield like lukewarm marmalade.

03/01/2002 - 23:40
Welcome to the Dollhouse0

Here's this film in a nutshell: "Heathers" meets "Kids".

05/24/1995 - 23:28
What Lies Beneath10

I have the same reaction to watching Michelle Pfeiffer's movies as I do to eating veal.

07/21/2000 - 23:18
When Harry Met Sally0

Director Rob Reiner and writer Nora Ephron are to blame for starting the entire genre of "Meg dates Schlub" films.

07/21/1989 - 20:54
Who Framed Roger Rabbit0

I think it's relevant now to stop and consider that young men masturbate to pictures of Jessica Rabbit.

06/22/1988 - 20:36
Winter Solstice0

This is the kind of film that drives most people completely insane.

11/24/2004 - 23:16
With a Friend Like Harry0

With a nagging wife, three screaming kids, and no prospect for ever being free from burden again, it's no wonder that Michel can't function without superficial approval.

08/15/2000 - 02:40
Wonder Boys0

I sat through this entire movie watching a wizened Michael Douglas and thinking to myself, "Holy shit. That scrawny old man is bumping his scraggly gray pubes against the groin of Catherine Zeta-Jones."

02/25/2000 - 23:04
World Trade Center0

When Oliver Stone is scared to be Oliver Stone, then it's too early for him to examine any kind of cultural event.

08/09/2006 - 22:59