Two Bomb Mr. Cranky Movie Reviews
Movie | Comments | Blurb | Created |
|---|---|---|---|
| E.T. (Rerelease) | 0 | In the spirit of the rerelease, rather than do anything approximating work (such as writing an entirely new review) I am going to "enhance" my brilliant original review of "E.T" in the space below. | 08/23/2000 - 02:02 |
| Earthlings: Ugly Bags of Mostly Water | 0 | Here are a few of the things more nerdy than dedicating your life to studying the Klingon language. | 08/23/2005 - 02:07 |
| Elf | 0 | Though billed as a comedy, this movie was difficult for me to watch, because it features Ed Asner as Santa and I suffer from a unique phobia called eabhaphobia: the fear of ever laying eyes on Ed Asner's bare hairy ass. | 11/07/2003 - 22:58 |
| Elizabeth | 10 | Liz is the "virgin queen" like Michael Bolton is the "king of funk." | 11/22/1998 - 23:01 |
| Ella Enchanted | 0 | "Ella Enchanted" is a poor man's "The Princess Bride." Not only that, but it's actually a pretty sick movie if you look at its basic premise. | 04/09/2004 - 23:11 |
| Equilibrium | 0 | Everyone who watches films knows that no bad guy with a machine gun can hit anything. One wonders why they just haven't reverted to throwing rocks or taunting. | 02/26/2003 - 23:58 |
| Erin Brockovich | 2 | Did I not already see this film a little over a year ago, when it was called "A Civil Action" and starred John Travolta instead of Julia Roberts? | 03/17/2000 - 00:08 |
| Escape from New York | 7 | If an average person meets Kurt Russell in a dark alley in the middle of the night, he thinks to himself, "I bet I could beat this guy to death with a piece of string cheese." | 08/24/1997 - 19:27 |
| Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind | 0 | What makes this film close to unwatchable is the chaotic direction of (Michel) Gondry, who apparently feels that he has to add a certain level of wackiness to Charlie ("Adaptation") Kaufman's script, which is sort of like pouring a couple teaspoons of sugar in your Coke for added flavor. | 03/14/2004 - 19:33 |
| Eurotrip | 0 | It's just disturbing to be forced to watch some two-bit, teenage actor trying desperately to prove that he's the next David Spade. Is this what comedy acting has come to? | 02/20/2004 - 19:35 |
| Ever After | 0 | Drew Barrymore as a modern Cinderella? I was waiting for that scene where Drew jumped on Prince Henry's desk, pulled her shirt over her head, and invited the young prince to do a few lines of blow off her bare breasts. | 07/31/1998 - 19:49 |
| Everyone Says I Love You | 0 | What could possibly be worse than yet another Woody Allen angst-fest? Try a Woody Allen angst-fest musical. | 01/03/1997 - 19:56 |
| Excalibur | 1 | Naturally, when members of the aristocracy want to get their rocks off, it's the peasants who really get screwed. | 08/24/2000 - 20:08 |
| eXistenZ | 0 | My guess is that the villains here may be librarians. | 04/23/1999 - 20:17 |
| Eyes Wide Shut | 0 | What we end up with is a two-and-a-half hour expedition into Tom's head. Two-and-a-half hours! For God's sake, that should be a two-and-a-half minute trip max, with an intermission for popcorn. | 07/16/1999 - 20:41 |
| Face/Off | 0 | As with any John Woo film, this plot is advanced with subtle narrative techniques such as flying bullets, large explosions and mountains of dead cops. | 06/27/1997 - 20:33 |
| Fahrenheit 9/11 | 8 | I ask in all seriousness: where the fuck are their balls? | 06/25/2004 - 20:37 |
| Fallen | 0 | The story is "Touched By an Angel" for the deranged. | 01/16/1998 - 20:45 |
| Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within | 0 | But all I could picture was... Steve Buscemi. | 07/11/2001 - 14:35 |
| Finding Neverland | 0 | "Finding Neverland" is about as predictable as an "um" from Britney Spears during an interview. | 11/24/2004 - 14:39 |