Two Bomb Mr. Cranky Movie Reviews

MovieCommentssort iconBlurbCreated
March of the Penguins 27

I hate penguins. I just fucking hate them.

07/22/2005 - 21:07
Marvin's Room 0

The family of "Marvin's Room" makes the Simpsons look like something out of a Norman Rockwell painting.

02/08/1997 - 21:09
Master and Commander: Far Side of the World 0

Whoa! Pippin is steering the boat!

11/14/2003 - 21:16
Match Point0

I guess I'm supposed to be mystified by this being a Woody Allen film because it takes place in London instead of New York.

01/20/2006 - 21:23
Matchstick Men 0

In "Matchstick Men," Cage plays Roy Waller, a con man with more tics than the Unabomber on mail day.

09/12/2003 - 21:26
Meet the Parents 0

This story is my way of telling all of you who read this to shut the hell up in the movie theater.

10/06/2000 - 21:58
Men of Honor0

This entire adventure is punctuated with so many cathartic moments that Oprah would have fled the theater.

11/10/2000 - 19:44
Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil 0

Unfortunately, this is a story of Southern idiosyncrasies, guaranteed to dull your mind clean off.

11/21/1997 - 05:47

Just imagine what it would be like to have your peaceful middle class neighborhood invaded by a bunch of people who think Madonna and Cher are great singers.

04/07/2009 - 13:46
Million Dollar Baby 0

Maggie Fitzgerald (Hilary Swank) beats her opponents into submission while Eastwood and Morgan Freeman, who provides a ridiculous and overbearing narration, beat the message into me.

01/28/2005 - 21:37

Naturally, it all ends with this moralistic "money is the root of all evil" tone because you don't want the little people getting the idea that having lots of money is really fun.

04/08/2005 - 22:42
Mission: Impossible 2 0

Tom Cruise's most unbelievable stunt continues to be his success as an actor.

05/24/2000 - 23:15

It's just two guys sitting in an office for the better part of two hours, talking about stats and at-bats and making you regret ever signing up for that fantasy baseball league at your office that you never win yet consistently pay $50 to enter.

09/28/2011 - 17:04
Monsoon Wedding0

I don't know which marketing director first discovered that a single whole fried ham delivered to Roger Ebert's doorstep could launch an attached movie from obscurity to acclaim, but rest assured that person has since been promoted to VP.

12/12/2001 - 00:40
Monster's Ball 0

Thankfully for political correctness and lessons about racism, the great tail, Leticia, is played by Halle Berry and not the kind of butt-ugly Gorgon beast-woman more common to the Georgia wilds.

02/08/2002 - 01:27

This is a movie about the Me generation: Mom could fall down a well for all we care, just as long as I solve my problems.

12/25/1996 - 02:05
Mother Night 0

The plot of any Sheryl Lee film can be summarized in a single question: "When will Sheryl take her clothes off?"

11/01/1996 - 02:10
Moulin Rouge 1

No matter how you slice it, this is still a hooker-with-a-heart-of-gold story.

06/01/2001 - 02:16
Mr. and Mrs. Smith 0

For about the last three months, it's been impossible to look at a magazine rack and not see pictures of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie looking pensive together or frolicking on the beach together or doing something together implying a certain, um, togetherness. This has given "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" the putrid smell of "Gigli."

06/10/2005 - 05:13
Mr. Death0

The question was asked and answered before the film was actually made.

01/14/2000 - 05:05