Two Bomb Mr. Cranky Movie Reviews
| Movie | Comments | Blurb | Created |
|---|---|---|---|
| Atlantis | 0 | Basically, this is Disney's attempt to try something that doesn't involve a big-breasted little girl without a mother and lots of cute, song-singing animals to keep her company. | 06/15/2001 - 15:08 |
| Avalon | 0 | PlayStation and Xbox geeks will probably cream their jeans at the thought of this futureworld. The rest of us get to enjoy a film with all the storytelling complexity of a preschool alphabet reader. | 01/20/2001 - 15:29 |
| Babe: Pig in the City | 2 | What you don't see are the dozensof stunt piglets that were killed or maimed during the action sequences. The scene where Babe bails out of a flaming Air Force One must have burned through ten alone. | 11/25/1998 - 21:06 |
| Bad Santa | 9 | The "look at Santa vomit and cuss" joke is funny the first 30 or 40 times, but by minute 45, the gag smells about as pleasant as a rotting fruitcake. | 11/26/2003 - 21:20 |
| Bad Teacher | 0 | It probably helps if you're high too when checking out "Bad Teacher," as that might help you get through the film's excruciating lack of plot, combined with a cast of characters that might as well have been lifted directly from every single fucking movie about a school ever made, ever. | 07/01/2011 - 08:26 |
| Barbershop | 0 | If Lawrence Kasdan were black, this is the kind of film he'd make. | 09/13/2002 - 21:29 |
| Basic | 0 | Just once, I'd like to see a conspiracy film drum up a real conspiracy, one that doesn't lead to drugs, aliens or aliens on drugs. | 03/28/2003 - 21:35 |
| Batman Begins | 0 | Was the cameraman being chased by a bear? That's how chaotic the action scenes are. | 06/15/2005 - 21:46 |
| Bed of Roses | 0 | "Bed of Roses" is a combination love/horror story that boldly asserts that rich people deserve to be happy too. | 01/26/1996 - 15:16 |
| Beerfest | 0 | Personally, I think committing the crime of ripping off any Jean-Claude Van Damme movie should involve jail time. | 08/25/2006 - 15:21 |
| Before and After | 0 | Truth good; cover up bad. In Hollywoodese this translates into: You stupid; story simple. | 02/23/1996 - 15:23 |
| Beginners | 0 | Thank you for the rose colored glasses, the very gay senior citizen, and for reminding me that dogs can keep secrets, too. | 07/20/2011 - 04:20 |
| Besieged | 0 | I briefly considered starting a heroin habit of my own just to get through Bertolucci's pointless exercise in pretentious impenetrability. | 05/21/1999 - 15:31 |
| Better Than Chocolate | 0 | "Better Than Chocolate" also wins an award for most dildos in a movie. | 07/08/1999 - 15:40 |
| Beyond Borders | 0 | Another great thing about this movie is the fact that whenever Angelina travels to one of these refugee sites, she's always wearing a fabulous hat. | 10/24/2003 - 15:46 |
| Big Trouble in Little China | 0 | Can you imagine Barry Diller -- the chairman of 20th Century Fox, for Christ's sake, and ostensibly a guy with years of experience in the film industry -- watching a cut of this film and missing the utterly obvious fact that is wasn't meant to be taken seriously? | 08/18/2000 - 16:11 |
| Black Swan | 9 | Let me tell you the inescapable truth of a movie about ballet: it is as mind-blowingly dull as the real ballet. | 01/09/2011 - 12:27 |
| Blade 2 | 0 | You'd swear Frank Oz is going to pop up from behind a curtain and pull his arm out of Kristofferson's withered rear end. | 03/22/2002 - 16:40 |
| Blade Runner | 0 | Slick science fiction masterpiece, you say? How about Freudian nightmare? | 08/18/2000 - 16:43 |
| Blood and Wine | 0 | A variety of things go wrong as a variety ofdysfunctional relationships undermines Alex's quest for happiness, independent wealth and uninterrupted sex with a woman a third of his age. | 02/27/1997 - 19:33 |