Two Bomb Mr. Cranky Movie Reviews

MovieCommentsBlurbCreatedsort icon
The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys 0

Rest assured, priests and inappropriate touching go together like Muppets and fisting.

05/17/2002 - 22:02
The Day the Earth Stood Still32

"Updating" a classic never really works, unless by "update" you mean "stuff it full of big tits and fireballs."

12/15/2008 - 19:00
The Deep End0

I think I know the reason there's been a lot of public concern that Baby Boomers might be raising kids with the moral compasses of serial killers and the attention spans of mongoloid mall-walkers. The reason is because it's true.

10/17/2001 - 14:48
The Devil and Daniel Webster 0

Let me tell you, if I were in that jury, I'd have sent Jabez straight to the burning fires and watched his ass roast up like a crispy Ballpark frank.

08/22/2000 - 15:40
The Devil's Advocate 0

Personally, if I'm watching Keanu comb his own hair, I'm checking carefully to make sure it's not a stunt double.

10/17/1997 - 15:46
The Emperor's Club 0

Do I care whether or not rich kids value the importance of learning? Answer: no. Whether or not they learn a damn thing, they still end up rich.

11/22/2002 - 23:25
The Emperor's New Groove 0

Who wouldn't want to see David Spade in a llama suit?

12/15/2000 - 23:27
The Empire Strikes Back 0

After some confusion, Luke realizes that the little green stuffed animal (which looks like Kermit and Miss Piggy after they've been melded together by the Enterprise transporter) is actually the great Jedi Master.

08/23/1999 - 23:30
The English Patient 0

A good rule of thumb, if you're truly set on wasting resources on such a project, is to have a protagonist people can care about.

11/15/1996 - 23:48
The Fast and the Furious 0

Isn't that always the problem? The big stupid crime-committing guys always have the hot little sisters.

06/22/2001 - 13:58
The Fifth Element 0

Large chunks of "The Fifth Element" are happily devoted to sheer annoyance.

05/09/1997 - 14:18
The Full Monty0

Hey England: Will you please stop sending us these movies if wegive you back that damn tea? We'll send it in a crate with Hugh Grant.

08/13/1997 - 16:53
The Garden of the Finzi-Continis 0

People who missed it in 1971 can see the film restored as it was originally meant to be viewed -- then ask themselves what in the hell all the fuss was about.

08/26/1996 - 23:53
The Gift0

Director Sam Raimi might want to think about spending less time producing bad television and more time studying film technique.

01/19/2001 - 19:21
The Good Shepherd 1

"The Good Shepherd" is a slog. Conventionally speaking, it's a spy movie in the same way that "My Dinner with Andre" is a food film. De Niro has made "The Godfather 3" of CIA films.

12/22/2006 - 21:37
The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly 0

Ever gone to Italy and called everybody "Spaghetti Boy?" I did. They didn't like it.

08/27/1999 - 21:32
The Graduate 0

Some movies stand the test of time. Some run off into the woods, flailing their arms about for no apparent reason.

08/27/2000 - 21:53
The Grudge0

"The Grudge" is like being stuck on a haunted house ride that's going around in circles.

10/22/2004 - 22:11
The Horse Whisperer0

Hey, Bob, how about pulling those M. Scott Peck books out of your ass and joining us in the real world?

05/15/1998 - 20:38
The Hunt for Red October 0

What's long, hard, and full of seamen?

08/29/1998 - 21:12