Two Bomb Mr. Cranky Movie Reviews

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The Third Miracle0

I don't know about the miracle, but I'm sure sleeping with Anne Heche would turn somebody to God real fast. This is dirty pool if you ask me.

04/20/1999 - 02:43
The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada 0

I don't know how religious Tommy Lee Jones is, but his parable of a man, a journey, and the power of forgiveness reeks of the level of smug righteousness that only a man like Pat Robertson could hope to match.

02/03/2006 - 02:57
The Tigger Movie 5

The whole thing plays out like the cheap seats at a NASCAR race.

02/11/2000 - 21:43
The Transporter0

I have no idea what use rules are in movies, because any moron knows that within five minutes of any character barking off a list of rules, that person will promptly proceed to break them.

10/11/2002 - 01:02
The Upside of Anger0

In pretty much every advertisement I've seen for this film, there's been some comment like the following: "Kevin Costner's best performance in years." Is it any wonder that the film would use a line like that?

04/01/2005 - 19:20
The Warrior0

"The Warrior" won the award for "Best British Film" in 2004 at the British Academy Awards, which is some kind of bore-fest where snobbish Brits sit around and try to figure out which of their films has the most pronounced sense of repressed emotion.

07/15/2001 - 23:51
The Warrior's Way3

Carnies versus ninjas versus cowboys. An idea which might have sounded good after a three-day bender, but one which ultimately falls short on delivery.

01/09/2011 - 13:13
The Waterboy0

There's a point where (Henry) Winkler pulls down his pants to show Bobby a Roy Orbison tattoo and director Frank Coraci is forced to use a butt-double of a realistically sized ass because, as we all know, you can spray-paint Winston Churchill's Iron Curtain speech across Winkler's ass in one continuous line and still have space for punctuation.

11/06/1998 - 23:46
The Whole Nine Yards0

If you bottled Matthew Perry's talent and tried to sell it as cologne, it would smell like the innards of a rotting corpse and come in an eyedropper.

02/18/2000 - 02:52
The Winter Guest0

It's simple: if a play was meant to be a film, it wouldn't have been a play in the first place.

12/24/1997 - 23:18
The Wood0

What exactly do they teach over there at Sundance, anyway? If "The Wood" is any indication, it's the cinematic equivalent of shop class.

07/16/1999 - 23:03
The Wrestler20

Let’s get this out of the way right at the beginning: Mickey Rourke is ugly.

01/05/2009 - 04:55
The X-Files: Fight of the Future0

The ostensibly sheer scale and cruel efficiency of this global conspiracy belies the fact that it seems utterly incapable of crushing two powerless, fleshy agents like Scully and Mulder.

06/19/1998 - 22:51
There's Something About Mary0

In "There's Something about Mary," the Farrelly Brothers fail to extend themselves much further, deviating from their obsession with male ejaculatory fluid only so far as to explore the obvious symbolism of a groin-attacking dog, a penis-meets-zipper accident, and, of course, Mary herself (the presumed "ejaculatee").

07/15/1998 - 02:56
Thirteen Days1

This movie doesn't work as a drama. It should have been made as a cartoon because Kevin Costner does one hell of an Elmer Fudd.

01/12/2000 - 02:42
Thirteenth Floor0

I mean, what exactly is the objective here? To beat a subject so thoroughly into the ground that people begin hurling themselves onto the electrified third rails of subways to escape the sheer monotony?

05/28/1999 - 02:40

Thor is really just like your dad out in the garage after a few drinks. Only more racist.

05/14/2011 - 17:37
Three Kings0

This film looks like it was shot by my grandmother.

10/01/1999 - 02:56
Throne of Blood0

Somebody needs to be losing his job over this.

11/22/1970 - 02:52

Obviously, Cameron was going to sink or swim with this project, but couldn't he have subsumed his world-class ego for one second and given the writing assignment to somebody with an imagination?

12/19/1997 - 01:43