Dawgs in da House!?

I’d heard rumors for weeks now, but had never actually seen them myself until last night when I made a concerted effort to look for them. Were dogs really present in the back or our AMC theaters? As my son and I took our seats for the 25th Anniversary Showing of Terms of Endearment, I looked around and didn’t see anything in the back of the theater but a 3-foot raised platform at the back of one of the isles. The lights dimmed and we were soon in the midst of previews and Pepsi commercials. My son turned to me and said, “Look back there now.”

I looked and I could see a man entering the theater from a side door with two medium-sized dogs. He quickly and quietly made his way to the back of the theater where he took up his station standing nest to the raise platform upon which his dogs were now perched. I went up that same isle and took a seat in back next to where the man was standing.

“Pardon me.” I whispered. “I’m curious as to why those dogs are here.”

The man whispered back, “It’s better that I show you. Just be patient and all will become clear.” The movie started and I still didn’t have a clue. People were still filing in to the theater and filling seats. The one I’d abandoned next to my son was taken, so I was stuck sitting next to Dog Man and his two canines for the duration. I began to become lost in the film.

About the time Garrett started sparring with Aurora, some woman about 8 rows down took a cell phone call. I could hear “I’m in a theater. We’re watching a movie... ” -The usual crap spouted by these self-important cell phone jerks.

Dog Man tapped me on the shoulder and nodded towards his dogs. His dogs were both on point and paying rapt attention to the cell phone user. He pointed at Cell Phone Lady and stage whispered, “Go!” The dogs leaped down from the platform and made their way effortlessly to where the lady was sitting, leaping over outstretched legs where necessary. The larger of the two dogs jumped right in the woman’s lap, and grabbed her wrist that was holding the cell phone. The dog shook the woman’s wrist until the cell phone became dislodged and fell into the row behind her. The second dog leaped into the row behind the woman and grabbed the cell phone in it’s jaws and began to crunch on it, while the first dog remained in the woman’s lap, keeping her immobilized by growling every time she attempted to move. Finally, the dog jumped down off the woman’s lap, and began to make its way back up to the platform. The second dog leaped back over the seats to the row where the stunned woman was sitting and rubbing her sore wrist, and spit the chewed up cell phone chunks into her lap. The second dog then joined the first back up on the platform to wild applause from those who had seen what had just transpired.

Dog Man rewarded both dogs with a hand full of Puperonis and Beggin Strips, and the dogs curled up on the platform, no longer paying attention to the audience. I said, “Man that was cool as hell.”

Dog Man replied, “The theater hired us because they got tired of the many complaints and because cell phone jammers are illegal.”

“But your dogs seem to be done for the day now.”

"Yeah," Cell Phone man replied “When you take out the first cell phone like that, there’s never a second.”

I relaxed, knowing I’d be able to watch the Endearment years pass in peaceful bliss.


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