I never wanted to be a barber

When I was a kid I used to hate the sight of hair being cut. My mother said I was a fool! She said the only cure for it was to become a barber. 
                                    I didn't want to be a barber anyway. I wanted to be... a lumberjack! Leaping from tree to tree as they float down the mighty rivers of British columbia   ... and I'm okay   The smell of fresh-cut timber! The crash of mighty trees! With my best gal by my side, we'd sing, SING...
With my best gal by my side... 
                               

I'm a lumber jack and I'm okay, I sleep all night and I work all day!!

 

 

He's a lumber Jack and he's okay, he sleeps all night and he works all day!!

  

 

 


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My barber lament

RidingFool's picture

is about barber availability. There just aren't many good barbers to be found. When it's haircut time in the summer, I am constantly on the lookout for a barber shop when passing through a small town. If I see one, I'll stop and wander in. Many times the place will be open with only limited hours, and I must continue on my way.

The haircuts I've gotten at "beauty parlors" just don't cut it. They're overpriced, you usually get the junior girl who doesn't know shit about shinola, and she wants to wash your hair for an extra charge. Well, girlies, my hair gets a shower every morning along with the rest of me. If you can't tell that by looking, find a new line of work.

Given the fine crop of hair that has been bestowed upon me, a haircut isn't a difficult thing to accomplish. My instructions are simple: make it all the same length, part it down the middle, shape it over the ears, and, depending on how I feel, it's straight across the back or tapered.

Is that so difficult to accomplish, I ask?

Apparently.

I cut my own hair, because I can...

TMundo's picture

...and as a result, it saves money, and I usually get what I want.

Try it, use a mirror, when you think about it, if you can figure out how to cook a steak, you can figure out how to cut your hair. In short, it's not genious work is all I'm saying, you make iot the length it needs to be, sure, it'll take you longer than 10 minutes, but so what.  If you mess up, wear a motorcycle helmet or something.

That reminds me

FearlessFreep's picture

It's time for me to get my hair cut.  I just get a small trim in November because I'm performing in my opera chorus in February and our director says men look better on stage if they let their hair grow a bit. (This year we're doing THE MARRIAGE OF FIGARO and a double bill of the one-acters CAVALLERIA RUSTICANA and I PAGLIACCI.)

 

Pretty cool, did I mention I'm a substace abuser as well...

TMundo's picture

my back got tight the last time I drank, and normally I don't but someone offered me some and now my back is tight again, I was the hospital for kidney failure last year, most likely the same thing,

 

yes. this is a cry for help

I do my own dentistry

Rajah's picture

...and as a result, it saves money, and I usually get what I want.

Try it, use a mirror, when you think about it, if you can figure out how to cook a steak, you can figure out how to pull your own teeth. In short, it's not genious work is all I'm saying, you make it painful as it needs to be, sure, it'll take you longer than 10 minutes, but so what.  If you mess up, wear a bag over your head or something.

I took out my own appendix

Coaster's picture

with a spoon. 

Blue Cross provided the spoon and said that's all my policy covered.  

I was later sent a bill for the spoon and consultation because my deductible hadn't been met yet for this calender year. 

Good thing I didn't live in Canada, else I would have had to wait six months before someone sent me a spoon.  

You'd get one of those "free" spoons

RidingFool's picture

paid for by all of those damned socialist Canadian commies.

I do my own dentistry too

FearlessFreep's picture

I go into a tough bar, find guys who look like they want a fight, and come on to them.  You should see their expressions when I thank them for knocking out my teeth!

 

My barber is Hungarian

FearlessFreep's picture

I also have a Chinese doctor, a Czech dentist, an Arab shrink and an Italian singing teacher.

Toronto's a multiethnic city.

Signed, 

The artist formerly known as Zorro.

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