NPR weekend shows suck

 

Can somebody please explain to me the appeal of Garrison Keillor? Or, "What do you Know?"   Who pays for this crap?  Yes, I know: 85 year-olds.  OK, fine. They're entitled to entertainment, too...but isn't Judge Judy, Newhart, and the hateful broads who've covered the Caylee Anthony case every single day for the last year enough? Can we not screw up the weekends of people who actually need the time off?  Apparently not.

One shouldn't complain, though. There is an exquisite sort of joy to be experienced by subjecting oneself to the horrible whims of Garrison's insensate hayseed blather, and Michael Feldman's...whatever.  So, one must hear it all...every weekend.  One must feel the pain.

I pretend to myself that I listen as a sort of penance for some unknown sin that just won't wash out.  But really, it is a religious sort of agony that borders on orgasm to hear Keillor continually fail to be funny in strings of endless skits about jack shit-all, or to have him jump in like an overly-touchy relative on a duet with a singer light years more talented than he.  Yes, it hurts, but the hurt is so acute, so perfectly unadulterated that it seems to circumvent even my nervous system and strangle the very core of my pain centers.  The sweet brutality of enlightenment...  THIS is what the Buddha was talking about! And as if A Prairie Home Companion wasn't sufficiently excrutiating, they follow it up with TWO friggin' episodes of the comic stylings of ...drum roll... Michael Feldman (fart).  This stiff has somehow built a long-standing show around a smarmy voice, rambling-yet-abortive "wisecracks" on the poor saps he either gets on the phone or into the actual show taping, a couple of trivia questions...and a jazz piano interlude.  By rights, What Do You Know should last 15 minutes, tops.  But no. It never ends. It is a sort of asymptotic nightmare-cum-reality where one seems to be waking up only to find oneself further immersed in the horrid dream. This kind of deluded state is shared only by weekend NPR listeners, and prisoners of war...in Burma.  It is to live inside a hellish soundscape that fades in and out, innnnn aaaaand oooooooout...until the prisoner is left screaming at the mice (or girlfriends) with whom they are trapped.   And when it is over, when the barbed wire is finally pulled from around my genitals and the visions have subsided, I am in such  a state of unbridled agitation that I probably look like some shamen on peyote standing on a bed of flaming nails in the middle of the Kalihari.

And I love it.  Somebody help me.

Please?

 


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I'll get right on it as soon as Prairie Home Companion is over

Coaster's picture

Coaster is 57. 

You forgot Car Talk

Coaster's picture

Love those guys. 

Don't drive like my brothah...

michael3b's picture

I dig those cats as well.  Keillor absolutely kills me, though...and not in a good way. I hear his voice and immediately go to sleep.

Wow!

TMundo's picture

...Garrison Keiller, the show I love to hate and hate to love...  My dad always had the thing on, and yeah, it's pretty, ummm, old-sounding.  The only perks include the shows where they do impersonations of pop-cultural icons (pretty spot-on.)  Guy Noir.  Listening to Julia Sweeney talk.  Cafe Buh.  Guy's Shoes.  But the show drags on an the news from lake wobegone rambles on a bit much.  It's the kind of show that has o be on in the background if you're gonna have it on.  If something funny is on you go in and listen, if it's not funny you go bacjk in the other room an continue doing what you were doing.

'Whadaya know', did they change that to 'wait, wait, don't tell me' or is that another show that's strikingly similar?  Yeah, the whaddayah know quiz, yup, it pretty much is a show built around a call in contest.

Car Talk, yeah, those guys can solve your problem over the phone so that's cool.

The best I can figure, have you ever seen the shows they put on saturdays on the spanish channel?  There's one called Sabado Gigante (Big Saturday) that's 5 hours of game shows, amature performance gong shows, and so on and so forth.  It just keeps going.  Brazil has their own version of the same thing and it too is 5 hours of the same.  Maybe they are shows that can only work if they're on all day in the background. (shrugs)

Whaddaya Know is a separate, much, much more evil show.

michael3b's picture

Wait, wait at least has some mildly funny people on from time to time.  Whaddaya Know is just this Feldman guy making wry comments and essentially coaxing people who are not very interesting to say far, far more than they ought to.  Then there's a big jazz piano interlude (ZZZZZZZZZZZZ)... For all I know the show IS 15 minutes long.  It just feels like eternity.

It would be really cool if...

Dan_in_Cincinnati's picture

... an FBI agent would pull over a cop car sometime.  If the siren and lights are not on then the Fed would have every right to stop a cop.

{;-) Dan in Miami

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