Sometimes I find books on discount...

...that appear to have been published in another, alternate universe.  Snark Bait is my website's steak and potatoes and I do believe I have found a winner in the form of the thrilling six-volume saga (of which I actually found two books) of that lovable scamp, Black Bear Killer the Big Brave Dog.  It is a children's series written and, evidently, self-published by a motherly-looking woman and labeled as a "character building book" (oh boy!) Here is the irresistable cover blurb:

"The Panther's claws could tear Bear Killer's guts out!"

This is in an awkward red text box stuck in the middle of a hastily-drawn cover illustration of a badly drawn Mountain Lion menacing a badly drawn dog.  I am not exaggerating when I say that I cannot f---ing WAIT to read this thing.


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3

And how in the world could anyone blame you?

Wally_Pipp's picture

I read this kind of thing and then I think about how I've never followed through on any of my short story or novel ideas because I can't make them perfect in my head before I set them down on paper.

And then I hear about Black Bear Killer and wonder why I haven't taken the time to question my decision-making paradigm. Seriously. Would it kill me?

It also reminds me of the middle-aged woman I met years ago while working at a video rental and sales store. The woman was interested in locating the entire Charlie Chan collection of movies on VHS tape because she was writing her doctoral dissertation on the contribution Charlie Chan movies made on 20th Century American pop culture. Why on Earth would anyone spend more than five minutes on such a subject?

"Forget it, Jake. It's Chinatown."

Best regards, Wally

This book sounds like 4 parts awesome and 9 parts batshit crazy.

Wulfgar's picture

Wally: Hey, everyone else has done The Marx Brothers, The Three Stooges, Mel Brooks, Lucille Ball, etc. It only stands to reason that someone would eventually get around to Chan (who actually had a neat non-racist portrayal in the 70s cartoon The Amazing Chan and the Chan Clan).

 

Be thankful she wasn't writing "The Yellow Menace - How Slanted Has Our Sacred White Media Become"...

[Ugh.]

You guys are absolutely right.

MadNessMonster's picture

Wally, you hit the nail on the God-damned head.  I've got many book ideas gestating in my head but can't bring myself to tie any of them down to paper.  Worse, I'm afraid I'm the only person who would like these books.  And this anxiety may actually be because I know too much about the publishing industry; enough to be too damn scared to go ahead and submit anything (and no, it wouldn't kill me, but I have the worst problem with rejection). 

Do you remember, back on the old site (man, doesn't that sound wierd), how Slater couldn't get any publishers to use his book as scrap paper?  And yet here we have Barney the Bear Killer (got the title wrong last time, not that this is better).  Here we have Myth of the Llama.  Here we have Humanomorphs (yes, I found another one of those).

On a (much) lighter note, I have read all of the books listed above and... My.  God.  Wulfgar nailed it.  Reviews should be coming soon.

(Incidently, it'd be nice to be alerted when we have comments on blog posts.  I didn't notice this until just today.)

I'm afraid I must reject

RidingFool's picture

your assumption concerning your abilities. JFDI.

Madness, You should be

jazzdrive3's picture

Madness,

You should be getting notices in your email for comments on anything you create or comment on.

Check your spam to see if you are getting them.  And try to whitelist that email address.

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