Warm Water Under a Red Bridge

Bomb Rating: 

This is a film from director Shohei Imamura, who's apparently famous in Japan, though I'm not convinced he's famous for filmmaking.

I know a lot of people won't believe this, but here's what happens in this film: An unemployed man hears about the existence of a golden statue in a small town with a red bridge. The statue is hidden in the house near the bridge. He goes to the house, finds a woman and her grandmother in the house, and is immediately seduced by the former. In place of an orgasm, this woman ejaculates water like a fire hose. The water sprays all over the place like a fountain. Apparently, she fills up with this water and must do something "bad" to relieve herself. Sometimes she shoplifts, but when our hero shows up, he gives her a better option. The man then falls in love with her.

If you haven't already figured out, the title is a complete lark. Since I've told you what the warm water is, you ought to be smart enough to figure out what the red bridge is. If you aren't smart enough to figure out what the red bridge is, put down your Spider-man comics, turn off whatever episode of "Enterprise" you're watching, throw out your copy of "Halo," and go out into the real world and try talking to a girl.

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