CNN has now become so desperate

for people who can speak American English in Haiti, that they're interviewing their own on-site reporters. I suggest that they use Creole subtitles for Gupta's interview with Cooper. That way, the locals will know what a great job they're doing showing earth movers and piles of dead people. That would go well with the "very spiritual people" - a la Pat Robertson and those voodoo-practicing Haitians - who need demons for the reason why an earthquate selected Haiti for death and destruction.

-How are you holding up, Anderson? You're doing great work, as always.

Oh, the Clinton interview:

Gupta: How many days do you think it will take?

Clinton: As long as it takes, you moron.

Gupta: What's going to happen to the people without homes?

Clinton: Well duh, tents, you dummy.

Gupta: As a mother, what goes through you mind when you see all these dead babies?

Clinton: The horror, the horror. What the fuck do you think, dumbass?

Now we have video of people attending church and a statement of how remarkable it all is. No shit. An earthquake has devastated a fourth-world country. What's remarkable is that they're not eating each other. Actually, Sanjay, the church attendance has been going on constantly. It's not so remarkable, given the circumstance.

We learn that Sanjay and his crew was protecting patients that others are incapable of protecting with guns. How considerate of CNN , oops, I mean Sanjay. His crew is now a medical team. Details are sketchy at this time, and we don't really know the full story. More to follow on this, but it looks like those dodgy Belgians are a bunch of pussies. Ha, have you ever watched them in action in the Legion? No mention of the death and destruction of the UN's post - 300 dead, more injured. No fucking wonder they can't protect anything.

Gupta: Whoa! Bodies. Buildings. No dignity. Dumpsters. More Bodies. Bulldozers. Smells. Babies. His wife. His kids. Gotta hug 'em.

Holmes and Betty with some unspellable name: Buddy, we are getting your picture. We're receiving your video. You're a buddy. We see it. We appreciate it. Backslaps all 'round. Thanks, buddy.

Chris: Now we're listening to a makeshift church service in Creole, across the street from a destroyed church. They're making do. Chairs. It's a Creole service. No subtitles, though. I guess all of CNN's Creole translators kicked it in New Orleans. Pride. Ingenuity. Ability to overcome. Dirt field.

Betty: Thanks, Chris.

CNN is there. WORLDWIDE LEADER IN NEWS.

The weather man says it will rain. Aftershocks. Buildings will fall. Death, destruction. Now the weather in Haiti. Maybe there will be showers. Maybe not.

Has Betty had some work done? She looks like she's ten years old this morning. Maybe it's just "time of the month" bloating.

Coming up: All the presidents. Men. Something we don't see too often. Unfortunately, due to this pesky commercial break required by somebody who pays the bills, we can't show more bodies, bulldozers and bullshit.

The U.S. military were the first in. Really? The Marines must have left the embassy to go to a bar. I thought it was the Chinese. Oh well, who cares, really. We're there now.

Jesus, they've got Bush at the podium with Obama and Clinton. Bush did such a great job with his own country during Katrina. He's a fine model for what America must accomplish in Haiti.

Jesus forgive us all! They're going to have Clinton and Bush on at 9 a.m. Can't wait to see how marble-mouth is going to spew his fraktured engrish all over Haiti. CNN will give him kudos for his Katrina performance, I'm certain. Will anyone ask Bill how his experience with Monica, cigars, spilled semen and Ken Star's "court of star chamber" will have influenced his reaction to bodies, bulldozers and babies?

Does Haiti need a John Wayne character? Holy fuck. Who scripts this shit? The right will love it! Or the left. Somebody. It's bureaucratic, says CNN. Yeah. Death. Destruction. Bodies. Roads blocked. It's bureaucratic.

Betty has definitely had some work done. Her closeups are fantastic.

Some retired military shill: Refugee camps in America. Where. Like we did with Katrina. Jesus. God help them all. Tent city. Hard living. Evacuate the most vulnerable. All the shit going on now will be solved. What will we do with everyone else? Get them  out to the US. Survivors. Not criminals. More backslapping for the talking head military guy. Great job. You've been right on every time we talk to you. Good job, Buck.

Cialis is good. Except for when it isn't. Got an erection? Good job. For more than four hours? Hie thee to a physician.

Eat Honey Nuts to lower cholesterol.

Betty scratches head.

TJ says faith is questioned. Father MulCahy asks why. There is no answer. Is he gay? Does he chase little boys? Is the Pope Cathlolic? Faith is extroardinary. Faith will pull them through. People are turning to God and going all faithful on us. Trust in God. God will always come, even to those godless practitioners of voodoo. The devil is at work. The devil makes them do it. Suffering. Tragedy. Where was God? TJ is really over the top with this guy. It's a challenge to those Haitian god-fearing voodoo suffering devils. Turn to the right places. Don't question, don't learn. We must question. A good note to end on, Father. Thanks, TJ.

We need a jew now to even it all out. And how about a chicken-plucking Haitian to go all crazy and shit?

Betty has DEFINITELY had some work done.

TJ: Some people are asking why so long for aid to get to Haiti. Perhaps, at 9 a.m., he can ask former ruler King George about why it takes so long.

I'm fed up with this shit. There's a commercial about every two or three minutes, after every segment. CNN is really making hay with this disaster debacle. If the Haitians only knew how popular CNN's commercial air time was during their disaster, I'm certain that they'd go all Capital One on them and charge for interviews, a la the Dutch guy on that airplane who chastised the underwear bomber. He cashed in and was never heard from again.

Sanjay and Gupta again. Err, Gupta Sanjay. Sanjay Gupta. Whatever.

What we really need to hear is more comparisons between Katrina, New Orleans, and Haiti. After all, they all speak Creole. Crabs. Lobster. Funny accents. Gibberish. Boohoo voodoo. Spicy foods. Jerk chicken. Jamaica. All the same.

I made that last bit up. This live blogging of a CNN WORLD LEADER IN NEWS broadcast with Betty's new face (and TJ) is tiring.

 


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Holy shit!

RidingFool's picture

Sandra Bullock donated a mil to the effort. Madonna, the cheap bitch, could only come up with 250,000. Good on you, bitches!

Rush Limbaugh is NOT going to be pleased

Coaster's picture

 Learn What You Can Do

News 'copters. We need overhead shots!

RidingFool's picture

Where are the news 'copters? Clear the fucking airport, bulldoze the bodies, err aircraft off of the airport. Make room.

Minor obstacles delay relief efforts. Oh, really? Minor? You fucking stupid USAID asshole.

Relief efforts from around the world are unable to land at the airport. Where the fuck is the American "get 'er done" ability to BUILD A FUCKING AIRSTRIP? You want to be a hero so bad, BUILD A FUCKING AIRSTRIP. Has World War II and it's accomplishments been forgotten so soon? Bulldoze the destruction out of the way and BUILD A FUCKING AIRSTRIP.

Bulldoze the bodies, err jungle. Spray it with defoliants. Napalm. Mortars. Seabees.

Fuck CNN. It's a struggle to watch that completely mindless babble.

Reporters as vultures?

Dan_in_Cincinnati's picture

Even though I can't really stand to watch this kind of helicopter journalism, maybe I will side with CNN on this.  It isn't their job to provide relief.  It's their job to show the carnage so that other people will be motivated to get the relief where it needs to go. 

You can't really compare the Katrina disaster to this earthquake in Haiti.

Haiti is hundreds of miles from the USA.  New Orleans is a part of the USA.  Responding to an island that far away when there are practically no resources on the ground on the island is a hundred times more difficult than the situation that Bush and Browny faced after Katrina.  Plus there was about a 3 day warning before Katrina hit. 

It's not like the US military can snap its fingers and make landing strips magically appear.  They need machinery for that, plus tons of other stuff.

 

{;-) Dan in Miami

 

 

 

< end of monologue >

RidingFool's picture

< begin diatribe >

Jesus, George Bush

RidingFool's picture

looks just like a bobble-head doll. (Sorry, I missed the Saturday interview, so I get to watch the highlights today.)

They are pointedly ignoring New Orleans and Katrina. I wonder why? Phony bastards. Well, Clinton is no phony.

Bush talks about saving lives. So sad and pathetic a man. He should have tried that in New Orleans. Finally a mention of Katrina. What a success it was. Well yeah. Mother nature is most successful.

Clinton can't beliefe he's sitting with such a moron. He's letting Bush bumble.

George gets a faith-based reference in. Love a neighbor. Get the job done. Just like Brownie.

I can't believe that I just watched Bill Clinton shakes his head at that.

Bush is so second-rate.

Ohhhhhhh. Clinton got to close by giving kudos to the present adminstration for its jungle-fast response to this nightmare. I wonder if Bush and the interviewer got it.

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