*** CRANKYCON 2009: September 19, Saturday, Jackson, New Jersey! *** [:o)}

Since I could never get but two people to visit Tulsa in the TEN YEARS I've been frequenting this dump, I think we might as well get together for a fun day riding a collection of thrill rides which include [que the trumpets] THEE WORLD'S TALLEST FASTEST COASTER EVAH!  This would be the mighty Kingda Ka.  The height of this monster is 456', with a sphincter clenching drop (also a world record) of 418' straight freaking down.  This is accomplished at the leisurely pace of One-Hundred-Twenty-Eight Miles Per Hour.  

I can't wait.  Come rain or shine, I'll be there.  The Saturday of this Crankycon will be the third day of a bike trip that will take me from Tulsa to New Jersey to the Florida Keys and back to Tulsa by way of who knows.  Some of the more religious will be happy to hear that my second day on the road will start out with a tour of the Creationism Museum just south of Cincinnati and the Ohio/Kentucky border.  I'll be there when it opens, you should be able to hear my laughter for at least ten miles.  But enough about me....

I've been to too many Crankycons to count, and I always have a blast.  The Crankizens I've met have been an an interesting bunch and it's always fun to to meet the people behind the personas. 

 I'll likely be in New Jersey Friday evening. If anyone would like, we can do dinner the night before. If you eat too much, please at least two cars behind me when we hit the rides.

 What do you say?  Interested? 


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A Short Video of Kingda Ka, or why you NEED to go to this Con

Coaster's picture


You'll be able to see from this video that the duration of this ride is 30 seconds, or as X-man says, "About as long as it takes me to have sex."  The sad thing is he thought he was bragging. 

Only 250 Days unitl Crankycon New Jersey!

Coaster's picture

It's not too early to start planning. Farmers Almanac says September 19th in that part of the world will be a sunny 72 degrees with a slight breeze: Perfect park weather. Okay, I made that up. I mean who reads the Farmer's Almanac in this day and age? Just the same, the weather is always perfect during Crankycons. Even when it's not.

Well, Being that it's on a Saturday, I'm game...

TMundo's picture

...I haven't been to six flags in years.  Is the Scream Machine (aka whiplash my neck) still there?

I recal the batman ride having a line too long to make the ride worth it.

Splash waterfalls, are you dumb enough to stand on the bridge?

The log flume, Heh, as they float down the rivers of british columbia with my best girlie by my side we'd sing, sing, sing!

Congo Rapids, the ride is pretty dry unless you're the two people who get stuck under the waterfall.

Shockwave, I'm quite sure this one is gone, but you used to stand up on it.

Then there's that small non-loop coaster that almost touches the water.

Then there's Rolling Thunder, the wooden oaster

Don't froget about the typhoon, it's like the gravitron, but the floor drops down a foot or two.

And don't forget Freefall, you loose your keys on that one and your lunch too.  stick with the parachute jump if you can't handle it.

The looping Starship; is scary, stick with the buckaneer for a similar effect.

I can't say for sure

Rajah's picture

I might have to hop a freight train to get there


<beats himself to death with a baseball bat>

Just watched your short video

Rajah's picture



looks a bit like The Dragster



Meh, the drop isn't long enough, the coaster isn't long enough

TMundo_is_tired's picture

If they let you ride the thing 2 or three times in a row it might be worth it, but standing in line for over an hour for what looks like 30 seconds isn't going to be worth it.

The drop was pretty cool, yeah, but didn't look like it'd last long enough to really get me. Not after the long line that is.

i don't think i'll be able to make it

Critico's picture

I might go to Disney World on the first week of September. Also i want to go to Langerado but hotels in Miami are too expensive.

Critico I might be able to help you out in Miami

Dan_in_Cincinnati's picture

{;-) Dan in Miami

You could stay with Dexter while in Miami

Rajah's picture

He'd love to meat you!


Can you stay on Sonny Crockett's boat?

FearlessFreep's picture

 Why yes, I am in my 40s!


Critico's picture

I do have family in Miami but they live in Kendall which is far from downtown where the concerts are, but i don't think i'll go now, a friend called me to invite me to go to Argentina with him.

We don't have a date for the trip yet, but i think it will happen on april or may.

Now cut that out Rajah!

Dan_in_Cincinnati's picture

Miami has plenty of things to do besides hanging around in some morgue.

{;-) Dan in Miami


Coaster check out this thrill ride!

Dan_in_Cincinnati's picture

Any fan of Popular Mechanics will get major wood from viewing these images of a flying car:



{;-) Dan in Miami


Actually it's much too long

Rajah's picture

The ride needs to stop right before it gets to that first rise. Just the anticipation would be thrill enough.

"Hey, look what we just avoided going up! Whew! that was close!"

Thanks, I was wondering what spent that spare $200K on...

Coaster's picture

The authors of a few reports I've read imply that this is the first car/plane. I remember a car/plane that was based on a pinto (Also a Popular Mechanics story). The wings were easily detachable and were towed in a trailer behind the pinto. It's inventor was killed during a demonstration flight which put somewhat of a damper on sales.

I don't like heights. When I worked in the offshore Louisiana oilfields 30 years ago, I had on occasion been required to connect iron fifty feet up in a derrick. My unease with heights was obvious. It was suggested by a coworker that riding roller coasters could make me more at ease with heights. Result: To this day, I'm still uneasy with heights, but I love roller coasters.

Dan, come on up and join us in New Jersey. A Car/Plane couldn't possibly be as much fun as a ride in the Kingda Ka.

Ya know, a car/plane is one thing, but a flying car is another. What I want to know is, where's my flying car? Check out Kevin Smith's take on that.


Coaster why not combine your event with a film festival?

Dan_in_Cincinnati's picture

That part of the country must have a hundred different film festivals at that time of the year.  So why not schedule your coaster event with one of them?

That way crankizens who are not much into the theme park thing could see movies during the day and then everyone could get together at a common hotel to meet up and exchange opinions on whatever.

You might get better attendance that way.

{;-) Dan in Miami

PS:  I have also been asked to work the high steel (at about 100 feet), but in another industry.  Considering my poor balance and portly physique I have declined.




That' there a gud ah-dear.

michael3b's picture

I can't imagine having an actual conversation with any of you.  Movies would certain cushion the blow.  That said, I will try my mightiest to be there.


ps Coaster, have you actually met Mucus?  If so, you are my new hero in his stead.

MR. MUCUS is a cool dude

Rajah's picture

He actually came to CrankyCon 2006 although he claims that was an actor he hired. We have Little Big Girl to thank for that, who else could get muke to show up.

The 18 of us who showed up at the last Crankycon met him, too

Coaster's picture

Reflecting back on what my daughter said now seems most appropriate.  Before leaving for college, she used to read Cranky reviews with me and laugh with (and at) some of the characters who post here.  When asked after the 2006 Con what she thought of the Crankylanders, she said, "Most of them seemed amazingly normal."

Reflecting back on both the crowd that showed up there and her upbringing, perhaps I should have done a better job of screening her childhood friends. 

You never know what you'll find to talk about with Crankylanders.  When I was in line with a couple of them at an earlier Con, one asked what the other one did when he wasn't working or going to movies.  He replied, "I study Russian history."  The other one laughed and said, "My handle is short for Czar Nicholas."   Then the two of them proceeded to bore the shit out of me with "fascinating" minutiae of long dead Russians I'd never heard of and classic Russian literature I couldn't get through with a nuclear-powered hammer drill. 

It seems many C-Landers also love cartoons.  Witness the Powerpuff thread.  Another observation by daughter at a Crankycon attended when she was about 12: "For adults, they sure know an awful lot about cartoons."

Honestly, you cannot believe the breadth and depth of knowledge possessed by some of these Crankylanders, a few of which have gathered this knowledge and experience at an age when some of us thought having an organized sock drawer on a Monday morning was a real accomplishment.

I wish more of you could get to know the real Mr. Mucus, but I'm sure he doesn't want it that way.  BTW, he is quite the man you'd want to talk to about military history. 

I honestly don't know about me.   My own son, now 27, tells me I'm "too boring to mess with."

Yeah, not everyone is into torture

Rajah's picture

Personally, I'd go down to the pine barrens and look for the Jersey Devil

I'm waiting for them to come out with the rocket backpack. But how do you avoid burning your butt off?

Riding Fool!

Coaster's picture

Six Flags Great Adventure, Jackson, New Jersey, September 19th (Notice I spelled out New Jersey 'cause you're not from around here).  On the day before, I was going to stop in Philadelphia to see the thing that city is most famous for.  That's right, I'm going to Pat's King of Steaks, where the Philly Cheese Steak was invented 101 years ago.  

You might consider making Jackson, New Jersey a destination.  I can assure you even though there may not be a cut-rate motel with a beautiful naked lady in the pool, nor a variety of good sea food restaurants, that come the morning of September 19th, you'll have just as much fun not going to Six Flags Great Adventure as you did not going to Cedar Point.  Come on!  Maybe they'll just charge us half a parking fee if we tell them we're going to share a space. 

This will be the first long bike trip to date.  I'm planning on a weekend trip or two to Dallas, and one to Albuquerque.  I'm planning on adding highway pegs, saddle bags, and 10" bars.  I'm adding cigarrette lighters to recharge my cell and laptop, and to power my GPS.  Unlike you, I'll be camping most of my nights on the road, and with the saddlebag size limitation of a softtail, I'll be traveling with little baggage: One set of clothes other than jeans and tees, few tools, no food, no books, no son, daughter, and no wife. 

Either way, let me know what your travel plans are and perhaps our trials will cross at summer's end. 

My trip motto: "4500 miles and not one fair hot dog."

(I think he means Joisey Journey CrankyCon)

RidingFool's picture

Geez, man (I was going to say Christ, man, but I know that won't work), I just got back from there at the end of July. Now you tell me I have to go again? I've got so many people to visit out there that I'd have to cash in early from Six Flags just to hook up with 'em all.

Although, it is only 2400 miles one-way, and I could ride the route in my sleep.

Last summer, I hied my tired old ass out to D.C. one more time. Unfortunately, I was behind a massive summer storm that constantly kept getting in my way, and I couldn't punch through it. My best day was 500 miles, and a trip that should have taken me three days took an ungodly amount of time.

Of course, it was worth every tired mile to finally arrive at destination, and the sights and experiences, as always, were amazing, both en route and on arrival.

No tenting for me though. I've had my fill of that, although I suppose were I in the south I could probably manage a night or two. Of course, that means that I'd have to actually carry a tent with me. Then I'd need a nice fancy air mattress and silk sheets and shit - you know, because the ladies hanging out at all the campgrounds expect it to be that way. Spoiled bitches.

I left my gps at home last summer, and wouldn't you know it, when I crossed the border at Buffalo and got back into Canada, I got lost. Old ground covered there back in the '60s, but some of the highways are all new now. Unbeknownst to me, I was on the right track, but I just wasn't able to figure it out until dark. An unruly Best Western saved the day.

I'm working at an airport for the winter. Damn but if I didn't have to get another security clearance for that. How times change, yet remain the same.

Tomorrow I'm off to Vancouver for a week to cast a foot in the bay.

At this point, it's doubtful that I'll be making the Joisey Journey CrankyCon, but I never know. I'll see how it goes.

So it was you!

Rajah's picture

The Foot Bay Killer!

Edited to add

RidingFool's picture

that you're welcome to add 2400 one-way miles to your trip and head west. I can probably borrow a bed for the second bedroom, and you can stay as long as you wish - providing you don't stake any claims to the itinerant women in my life.

Road rules for Coaster:

RidingFool's picture
  1. Never pull into the bar's parking lot and walk in without checking the half-tons for rifle racks.
  2. You must have at least one pickled egg with your draft beer.
  3. If the waitress is wearing a shirt that says "bitch", believe it.
  4. Sit beside the air conditioner and the peeler will sit with you after her set. It's the coolest place in the bar.
  5. #4 does not automatically make you the coolest person in the bar.
  6. Don't stutter.
  7. If the dancer asks you to walk her out to her car, watch your back.
  8. If the hitchhiker's name is Angel, leave her by the side of the road.
  9. You're invisible on the road. Know it and save your life.
  10. And finally, have fun!

For more tips like these, and others, send a stamped, self-addressed envelope together with a little cash, to Box 13, Nara Visa, Arizona.


Why thank you kind sir

Coaster's picture

With the amount of time I plan to spend in strip bars and bars of all kinds, especially in small southern towns, these tips are bound to come in mighty handy.  I can close my eyes right now as I'm writing this and damn near savor the taste of those pickeled eggs and draft beer that await me....

No one will want to be near you the next day

Rajah's picture

Pickled eggs are toxic, man! Worse farts ever!

Really? It must be the hot dogs.

RidingFool's picture

Coaster wrote:

Since I could never get but two people to visit Tulsa in the TEN YEARS I've been frequenting this dump

Who was the other one?

Mr. Mucus

Coaster's picture

His sister lives in Tulsa.  Perhaps he wasn't even coming here to visit me.   (sniff)

Kingda Ka looks pretty awesome.

HS's picture

Me, I recently visited EuroDisney, and I gotta say - they have some seriously kick-ass coasters for a Disney park.  Their Space Mountain goes upside down more than once and is five times the ride that the Anaheim equivalent has ever been.



Disney Inspired Six Flags

Coaster's picture

It took the Disney bunch 20 years to design and build Space Mountain.  When they were finished, they had one kick ass coaster for the time.  However, it was deemed too fast, so the Disney people slowed it down.  When the Six Flags Over Texas guy, Wynne, heard about it, he thought there would be a niche for a park with real thrill rides.  Indeed, people traveled from all over to ride, among others, the Judge Roy Scream.  

I'd have to agree. 

On a side note, when I traveled down to Arlington with some young coworkers, and told one of them that the judge Roy Scream was once this country's premier coaster, he looked at me with a more than bored expression as we plunged down it's mighty seventy-one foot hill at a blazing 53 mph and said, "You're kidding me."

Not to mention Tivoli Gardens

FearlessFreep's picture

 That inspired Disneyland, among many other sources.

BTW, how many of you can name what the six flags are?

And the Spanish Inquisition inspired the rollercoaster

Rajah's picture

No one was expecting that!

The answer to my trivia question

FearlessFreep's picture

 The six flags over Texas are:

1) Spain (from the time of the conquistadores in the 16th century)

2) France (Lasalle's expedition reached Texan soil in the late 17th century)

3) Mexico (from the time of Mexican independence around 1820 to Texan independence in 1836)

4) Texas (the "lone star" flag during the time of the independent republic of Texas 1836-45; still the state flag)

5) The US (from annexation in 1845)

6) The Confederacy (1861-5; the last Civil War battle took place in Texas!)

blah, blah, blah

michael3b's picture

bliggity blah, blah, blaaaaah

Count me in

FearlessFreep's picture

I'll be going to September's Cranky-Con after all. (I'm visiting NYC around then.) But you can't make me ride the Kingda Ka!



Coaster's picture

But as for your contention, you may have trouble making me ride it, too.  Man, that's one tall-ass ride.



Bulworth's picture

If the wife and kids let me go and if by some miracle we get a large portion of the people I met in Tampa in 2001.

Well, more than 14% of those who attended Tampa will be there

Coaster's picture

Great to see you!  Glad to hear life has been good to you.  Unfortunately, Di, Karen, and Aron haven't posted here since forever. I can promise you what will be there is the world's tallest fastest coaster. But then again, you used to not like roller coasters. Did that change? If it did, than 0 to 128 MPH in 3-1/2 seconds with a 418-foot drop STRAIGHT DOWN awaits you.

I like rollercoasters even

Bulworth's picture

I like rollercoasters even less now that I'm a placid old man, but fuck, I've never been to New Jersey, which is almost like saying I've never been to South Dakota, but still...


Critico's picture

I'm planning to go to the park and not see you, just like in Tampa.

I will try my darn'dest to be there...

TMundo's picture

...Getting there on the weekend is no prob, but I wanna get there friday night.  I'm juggling some weird-o appointments that I see might come up around that time.  Trying to space them out with work ain't easy, you only get soo many days off and I used a lot when I was on vacation and in the hospital.  Coaster, any idea what hotels are what?  I used to live in NJ so I never had to stay at Six Flags over night, not a clue where to stay but I think it might be an option.  Btw, I like the idea of hitting a film festival if there's one around.

To hit on some of the other things mentioned in this thread, Coaster and RF, it sounds like you guys seem to enjoy taking yourself on adventures in small unheard-of towns just to see what the tide brings.  Becareful when doing so.  I've never actually gone on a road trip, but I will say this, I enjoy walking into little places in brazil, where I don't really speak the language all that much, and just letting it fly.

Rollercoasters I like, but it's the long lines that get me.  Most coasters aren't that long, and the line before hand has a big effect on how much I enjoy the coaster.  I wonder how busy it'll be when we go, I suppose it doesn't matter either way

Coaster, the thought of a creationism museum scares me, at first.  I wonder what kind of creationists we're talking about, real christians, or those that jump to bizarre conclusions without looking at things thoroughly.  On the other hand, if were talking about actual judaeo/christian artifacts then maybe it'd be cool.

Michael3b, you seem to be a decent new addition to C-Land, I'd hope to see you down there, assuming I can even get there myself.

One of the fun things to do before you get on the coaster

Rajah's picture

Is watchiing all the fat people trying to qualify for getting on the rollercoaster. I might have enjoyed the Millenium Force more if I had opened my eyes. It's still up in the air if I'll be able to make it there. Coaster says he's coming down here to see the aquarium. I'm planning to sneak him into the big tank to see if he can out swim the hammerhead sharks. He's from California so I figure he ought to be able to do that. If I do go up there I want to make it to the Pine Barrens so I can hunt for the Jersey Devil.

Is this thing still on?

JunkyardKid's picture

Coaster, please let me know so that I may reserve 2 nights at a local motel that weekend. Also, I'm in for any side trips to peeler bars.



I'll definitely be there.

Coaster's picture

E-mail me at the usual, mrcoaster@cox.net to let me know what motel you've booked.  I'll keep you apprised of any side trips. 

Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Peeler bars. 

It's 3,000 miles to Miami and on to the tiki bars in Key West

RidingFool's picture

Where you gonna be, and when?

I know, September 19 in Jersey, but do you have any idea of a rough schedule for arrival in southern Florida?

I'll know more definitely by the first week of August. Not making any promises now, but I could sure use some adventure in my so far boring summer locked up in romance. It's gettin' tired, fast, and I'm looking for a key.

Looks like I'd hit Georgia on the way south. Surely to christ the road construction around Atlanta is complete by now. Oh, wait. I just checked. It isn't. Oh well. Been riding through there since the early '80s, and every damned year it's the same.


Ah, planning. That's something new for me.

Coaster's picture

Check back in a couple of days.  I should be able to give you a date for Key West plus or minus a day. 

I was going to stop in Savannah on the way down, and some little godforsaken Georgia college town on the way back up. 

Do you still have my e-mail and cell?  Well, would you mind returning it?

Would you believe I have never been to the Florida Keys?

Dan_in_Cincinnati's picture

It's true.  Let me know when you guys will be in Miami.  I would like to join you for at least a few days in the Keys.  Coaster has my phone number.

{;-) Dan in Miami


Coaster's picture

Cheeseburgers in paradise on me.

Feeling paranoid in Miami

Dan_in_Cincinnati's picture

Ding blast it, am I the only one who can't read the bottom part of this Crankycon thread?

{;-) Dan (grumpy) in Miami

*** CRANKYCON 2009: September 19, Saturday, UPDATE ****

Coaster's picture

Six Flags New Jersey (Jackson, New Jersey)

I'll be at in front of the ticket booth at 9:30. I'll be wearing a black Cal Poly jacket. The park opens at 10:30. This should give us plenty of time to purchase tickets and get acquainted. Depending on the crowd, I may even spring for an express pass for the group.

I don't have motel reservations yet, but I plan to make some tonight. I'll be getting in the night before and staying through Saturday night.

There are 13 reasons YOU should be there on the 19th, and they are all roller coasters. The park has a log ride, too, that may be worth checking out. More research to follow.

Write me at


and I'll answer any questions, provide you with additional details, and provide you with my cell phone number if you'd like it.


==Coaster (Whooooeeee!)

Maybe that spammer will come to Crankycon.

nickumoh's picture

Wouldn't that be the day!

I soo wanted to attend this event. If not at least to cross the country to meet a bunch of strangers that share a common interest, but to get back to the east coast that I've missed for almost 3 years. I would literally kill for an authentic cheesesteak, bagel, new york style pizza or calzone, chicken salad hogie wth everything or even a lobster roll.

Unfortunately, I have been training over the past 5 months for my very first marathon on Oct 4th.

That and football season just started.

Have fun! Next time have Crankython in Portland, Or. We could all go running, or hiking, or mountain bike riding, or snowboarding, or microbrewing.

...what...what were talking about again?


I regret to inform you

RidingFool's picture

- as I'm sure you already know - that I am unable to attend. I had a plethora of places I wanted to revisit while riding the Keys, but, alas, it is not to be. Somehow, I'm sure that most, if not all, no longer exist, but that's all right. They live on as exaggerated adventures in my fading memory.

Enjoy, and in Key West give a wave on your way by and bellow a hello to the tiki-bar peelers for me - although I am certain by now that it is their grand-daughters who dance on.

I can't make the Crankycon, unfortunately...

HS's picture

...as I will be on an airplane bound for Croatia!  But alas, I'll be there in spirit.  Coaster knows me, and knows that I love roller coasters.  Rode some cool ones in Europe this past summer.

And it sounds like there's a smaller gathering planned for the Florida Keys?  Yikes, stay the hell out of Florida, that's my motto (no offense to Dan in Miami, the one city in FLA that's prolly halfway decent).



No, Homey. I think the Keys will happen about September 23rd

Coaster's picture

And it will probably be just Dan and I.  

Croatia sounds cool. 

I was wondering, with all the places you've been to, how many languages do you speak besides English?


HS's picture

I speak decent Spanish, bastardized German, and also Chinese Pig Latin.

Say "hi" to Dan in Miami for me.  He seems like a cool guy.


Oh, snap!

HS's picture

I just re-read the posts and it looks like the date for the FLA gathering (if it in fact happened) has come and gone).




Hey, Raj...

RidingFool's picture

Whilst Coaster&Co. ride the Keys at the end of the month, I found something for the rest of us to do in his absence: tinyurl.com/mp7dau



I especially liked the car with troll dolls glued to the hood

Rajah's picture

It's hard to look at too many of those without coming down with a bad case of the Cringes

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! I'm just about there! How about you?

Coaster's picture


The park opens at 10:30.  I'll be standing in front of the ticket counters at 10:00 AM.  I'll have on a hat with a cranky symbol, and a black Cal Poly jacket. 

I'll be spending Friday and Saturday nights at the Days Inn in Wrightstown, NJ, just 13 miles from there. 

I hope to see you there. 


E-mail me at mrcoaster@cox.net and I'll give you my cell number so's we can coordinate.  I mean our schedules, not our clothes.  That would be gay.  Not that there's anything wrong with that. 


==Coaster (Whooooeeee!)

Sorry, but I think I'm bnacking out...

TMundo's picture

what time are ya'll meatin?

Come on down to Atlanta, we'll go to the aquarium!

Rajah's picture

I know it sounds fishy but we'll have a good time. Besides I'll need some help keeping Coaster from eating the exhibits. He wants to meat the manta ray.

10 AM in front of the ticket booth

Coaster's picture

Good to see you again, Mr. T, even if it is just on Crankyland.

Have a grand time on the road, Coaster.

RidingFool's picture

Keep the paint side up, and the rubber side down.

Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego, err, Coaster?

RidingFool's picture

We seek him here, we seek him there...


We seek him everywhere.

Read all about everything and solve it all here: www.greatdreams.com/


The top 10 roller coasters

Dan_in_Cincinnati's picture


Top 10 Roller Coasters

Since the world's first full-circuit roller coaster opened 125 years ago at Coney Island on January 20, 1885, the rides have gotten much faster — and heart-in-your-throat scarier

Ups and Downs

  1. Kingda Ka
  2. Steel Dragon 2000
  3. Millennium Force
  4. Top Thrill Dragster
  5. Dodonpa
  6. Thunder Dolphin
  7. Goliath
  8. Dragon Khan
  9. Titan
  10. Nemesis


Read more:


{;-) Dan in Miami

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