Drive, he said, angry that the movie was in 3D
John Milton? In hell? Go figure.
Nick's daughter bit off some guy's dick. Now some guy is dickless. Just for spite, and to manufacture a plotline, some dickless guy couldn't resist absconding with Nick's daughter's daughter. Nick Cage, playing himself, goes in pursuit and drags Amber Heard, a sweet-faced, innocent-looking little cutie, out of the diner and along for the muscle-car road trip in this 3D-for-disaster (the 3D, not the movie). Amber kicks some ass, some people dance around some fire, and everyone associated with some baby-stealers abandons some hope.
Patrick Lussier out-Tarantinos Tarantino to my great joy and raincoat satisfaction. Blood flows. Gore splatters. Shit blows up. Stuff flies around. Naked breasts bounce.
Eye candy and breasts are briefly provided by Charlotte Ross, she of the NYPD bare ass (yeah, her, not Sipowiz). This is one woman who actually looks not too shabby with a new face, compared to more than a few others. It's obvious she also worked hard to get her body in shape for this thing. She succeeded.
Before I forget, no babies were actually harmed during the production of this gore-fest.
I know, I left out a few things, but if I revealed it all no one would want to see it.
*** SPOILER ALERT ***
Unfortunately, we don't get to see Amber's tits. Maybe next time.
[ rant ]
All of the trailers preceding this thing were for 3D movies. Personally, not having watched a 3D since the dark ages, I wasn't impressed. Perhaps I should have been stoned. Why the studios insist on 3D-ing everything is beyond me. Had this thing been feelmed in 2D, I'd have been more impressed with it. As it is, though, it's not a bad movie. It just needs to be released in 2D to get into my library.
[ /rant ]